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Celebrity bashing Keith Urban

What a tragic, terrible waste of talent Keith Urban is.

Keith Urban

Our Keiff

After being dragged under sufferance to one of his shows recently I was forced to remove the cotton wool from my ears and admit that the man has a powerful voice, can play guitar like Springsteen and is, overall, one hell of a live performer. With truly great hair. Sadly he’s been lost to the dork side of music, country and western, where the God-awful Garth Brooks is king.

Urban can write a rockin song, but the problem is that, while his speaking voice is reassuringly Australian (despite being born in New Zealand), when he opens his mouth to sing it sounds like he’s put a peg on his nose and swallowed a banjo, a field of bluegrass, a fiddle and a kilo of American cheese.

To put it another way, he whines like a bitch.

In his lyrics he opines about how his dog died, his truck broke, his favourite assault rifle rusted up and his sweetheart left him. And then he met a millionaire actress who’s as sweet as Tennessee and became incredibly popular on television.

It’s this falsely put-on Nashvillean air that has prevented Urban from having a single crossover, mainstream chart hit. Despite his fame, can you name a single one of his songs?

Most tragically of all, Our Keith seems to desperately want to sing proper songs. His show featured cover versions of U2, The Beatles, AC/DC, Oasis — for which he was joined on stage by the Madden brothers — Ain’t No Sunshine, with a stunning guest appearance by Guy Sebastian, and a fabulous acoustic duet of Flame Trees, with a chuffed-looking Jimmy Barnes.

All of these songs got a far bigger reaction, and a much louder singalong from the crowd, than any of Urban’s own material, perhaps because so many punters had only gone along to see him because they thought he was lovely on The Voice.

Still, he’s probably not that unhappy with his career, considering he can sell out two stadium shows in Sydney, he’s had 14 number one hits on the US country charts and Barnesy obviously rates him.

Watching him bounce around the stage — and repeatedly into the crowd, even giving his guitar away to one adoring female fan — for well over two hours, you can’t help wondering what might have been, because here is a guy with arguably more talent than Michael Hutchence who just took a wrong turn down a dusty musical back road when he was young.

He could have been yet another Kiwi artist we would happily have claimed as our own. Instead, I’d be quite happy for them to take him bick.

5 Responses to Celebrity bashing Keith Urban

  1. Justine Reply

    February 6, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Happy New Zealand Day to you too!

  2. Keith Urban Reply

    February 7, 2013 at 5:52 pm

  3. donna krechowitsch Reply

    February 6, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    What a nasty and cynical person you are. Unlike yourself Keith is a man of many talents. I guess some people cannot help but be nasty (you). I can only contribute this to your very boring and uneventful life you clearly have.

  4. donna krechowitsch Reply

    February 6, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Actually something else to add. Having saw one of his Melbourne concerts almost a year ago, this man is not only an amazing talent but a very humble, unassuming star. As you would have seen, this man does not need a fancy stage, just his guitars and backing band. Oh, and yes, an adoring crowd which he had eating out of the palm of his hand. His songs are amazing because you can actually hear the words, not the screaming of the so-called ‘pop stars’, and they have meaning. Not the dribble of the one hit wonders of today. Stephen Corby you may be an author/journalist or whatever, but you are not a good onell

    • Rovena Reply

      January 28, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      I agree with you … his voice is clear very clear … I am Brazilian and not understanding anything ingl√™sm but I can hear every word spoken in his songs. He’s a great singer, the songs are very good … But the criticism is right there to try to bring down an artist with his barrage of criticism … only the strong survive.And it is surviving well.

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