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Melbourne is the shittest city on Earth

Fanatical Sydney-sider Stephen Corby dumps on Melbourne like a, well, like a Melbourne Winter. Stand well clear.

Melbourne, you’re soaking in it.

Picture a sagging, hairy-chinned chubby woman, wearing enough makeup to coat the surface of the moon and hosting a particularly vile collection of venereal diseases, plus pink eye and gingivitis, and you’ve pretty much created a personification of the shitty city that is Melbourne.

Here, clearly, is a city past whatever best it probably never had, a city that tries far too hard because it’s older yet vastly prettier sister, a leggy, lusty model who still struts the global stage by the name of Sydney, puts it so deeply in the shade.
Look! All of our freeways have colourful bits of plastic on them! It’s like street-art installation wankery! We think we’re Barcelona!

Melbourne’s architecture is a horrific hodgepodge of appalling apartment buildings, each trying to be funkier and slashier than the one next door, and its tallest building, the one with a name so uninspiring I can’t even remember it, nor be bothered to Google it, somehow manages to look short and uninspiring all at once. And like a broken crutch.

The skyline has no grandeur, and God knows it needs it because it might distract you from the sky, which is almost universally the colour of pants. Grey, miserable school uniform pants to be specific.

People joke about Melbourne’s weather, but it’s not funny, it’s just woeful, and sad and fucked up.

It’s an urban myth that dentists have the highest rate of suicide – why would they, charging what they do – because the highest recorded rate in the world is in the Bureau of Meteorology’s Melbourne office. Predicting the weather in this blighted bastard of a place must be harder than juggling polar bears. And every time they tip a sunny day, it rains, then hails, then shines, then blows. Mostly, though, it just blows. And is cold. Except in January when it’s hotter than an autoclave.

I’m forced to go there a lot for work and I can honestly say I’ve never visited and not been rained on. And frozen, even in summer. Living there must be really bad for your health, and clearly it drives people insane because all the locals are so barracking, bollocking proud of their crappy city.

They’ll tell you that it’s the world’s most livable city, an award clearly voted for by cyclists who love the fact that Melbourne is flatter than Greek interest rates. They’ll bang on about how Sydney actually gets more rainfall annually, a “fact” they all seem to know but which sounds like utter bullshit.

If it is true, it’s because Sydney has proper, manly rain, while the daily dribble of pisscipitation in Melbourne is like those stray drops of wee you shake off your penis at the end of a stream of micturition. Pissy, pathetic mizzle.

Melbourners are so deluded they think the word “beach” applies to any kind of sand found near any kind of water — like their sweaty-sock-smelling Port Phillip Bay. The playground in my street has a sandpit and a bubbler, does that make it a beach?

All Melbourne cab drivers are assholes, but you have to be lucky to even cop their abuse, because there are no stinking cabs. And don’t try and drive yourself, because the rash of speed cameras they’ve given themselves up to make it a hell hole to traverse, with everyone driving like they fear being shot if they traverse the limit by even a tidge. Considering the reputation of the Victorian Police, they probably will be.

Sure, there are worse cities in the world — Auckland makes Melbourne look like New York for a start — but there isn’t a single one that’s so annoyingly deluded about itself.

I vote we bulldoze the whole place, shoot all its skivvied hipsters and start again.
Who’s with me?

319 Responses to Melbourne is the shittest city on Earth

  1. Denise Reply

    November 14, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Very accurate description, and I have to live in the God Forsaken city

    • noemail@ymail.com Reply

      October 24, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      Totally agree – Melbourne sux! Especially now that Melbournians like to drive people mental for no reason. All in the name of fun! Ugh!

    • Amanda Rose Reply

      November 1, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      I just moved from QLD to Melbourne. Yep, Melbourne is a shit hole compared to the rest of Australia. I have isolated myself at work and in my room since I arrived 8 weeks ago. Apart from the place being “UGLY” it’s not exactly a safe place for athletic women to train outdoors. Your likely to be snatched while walking past A parked car along an ugly street. This place is a fuckin joke. If it wasn’t for having high employment, I wouldn’t be here. Yet, they claim Melbourne has low unemployment but the truth is THE BAG HEADS AND THE REST DON’T WANT TO WORK. Yet, how can they afford to live here on centrelink? I’ll tell you how..the drug trade and illegitimate employment. Victorias population stats are only 1 million more people than the entire population of Queensland. QLD claims to have lowest unemployment and yes..they do have high unemployment. Melbourne has MUCH higher employment than QLD and yet claims to be low unemployment. LOL. Also, look at the public transport services here in Melbourne as opposed to isolated towns and cities in QLD? There is no excuse not to work. Let me tell you who turns up for work every fucking day…For those of you that catch a bus or train to work…You know what I am talking about. Say no more…Then there are HUNDREDS of fuckin homeless people all over the streets. That can’t be good for tourism nor the turds left outside the shop entrances. It’s only ugly fuckin women and men that live here.

      • Amanda Rose Reply

        November 1, 2016 at 5:32 pm

        Then there is all the UGLY dark colored units and houses they are putting up in back suburbs. Why would you want to make this place any more dark and gloomy than it already is? It is clear that they are trying to take heritage out of the city and replace it with UGLY desert culture to appease the fucking grubs that recently perched their shitty assholes on our soil.

      • Denise O'Meara Reply

        November 1, 2016 at 8:38 pm

        Amada, a truer description of this shit city wont be found. Even the weather is pure shit. So sorry you had to come to this hell hole. Do hope you can get out of this 3rd rate, retarded town very soon.

      • my Reply

        January 13, 2017 at 10:03 pm

        Are you from.orbit

      • Peter Reply

        February 21, 2017 at 11:21 am

        Melbourne is not the shittiest city. Toowoomba is. It is called ‘Poowoomba’ and the ‘Shitty City’. It forces traffic to circle endlessly to keep traffic within as long as possible to kid itself it is a bigger city than it is. It even wanted its citizens to drink recycled sewerage water on tap, and to shower in it, not so long ago.

      • ozman Reply

        March 21, 2017 at 7:33 pm

        i need to win TATTS division 1 A,S,A,P,

    • Jay Jay Reply

      February 13, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      I think summer in Melbourne is nothing but a bloody joke no heatwaves anymore no good propper runs of decent run of warm weather no Indian summers anymore it can’t even stay hot for five minutes Melbourne always misses out on the heat all the time now no more hot February’s ever no more hot Marches as far as I’m concerned Melbourne is nothing but one big bloody cold wind tunnel these days and I would never recommend anybody to go there for a holiday Melbourne summer s are SHIT and I mean SHIT no consistent warmth what’s so ever Melbourne summer s have gone down the SEWER all together and every summer is God danm BORING AS

      • Tomas Herbert Reply

        March 20, 2017 at 5:32 pm

        Ah… The struggles of climate change… No more seasonal warm weather to warm your little tits off… Shame really… I’m sure the people of Wamberal who are losing their homes to rising sea levels will pity you

  2. Unfortunately Living in Melbourne Reply

    December 15, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Ditto Denise….

  3. brad Reply

    January 1, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    could not agree more very accurate description.I actually feel sorry for most of these arseholes that live in Melbourne.

    • Denise Reply

      January 1, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Brad, We already know Melbourne is a Shit City, but there is no need to call us Arseholes, just because you are one!

      • Michael Reply

        October 19, 2016 at 3:41 am

        Fuck off ya cunt

  4. Rob Reply

    February 19, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Yes it truly looks and feels like a heavily used toilet. I lived there for a year and will never reclaim that part of my life. Sydney is alright but Melbourne is truly just a pointy dollop of ass chocolate on an otherwise beautiful canvas that is Australia.

    • Stuck in the shithole of Melbourne Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      Haha oath

  5. Joel Reply

    April 16, 2014 at 12:43 am

    Yip.What a idiotic grey place.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 2:17 am

      Yes that’s right Joel.
      It’s called “Polish Modern” and my friggin’ twin brother, Stephen Crafti endorses this shallow,pretentious cheap, Chinese made crap!

  6. jamie Reply

    April 16, 2014 at 11:59 am

    What a very bitter middle aged prick you are buddy. Sounds like the so called word smith is only happy when he is belittling others and trying to justify his home of choice. Another thing about Melbourne is that we have many journalist who suffer from the rags every single day and are continually bitter and never seem to understand how to write a story without being aggro, unhappy, a drama queen and coming across as a spoilt little bitch, and that seems to be the same in Sydney hey Corby

  7. Lefty Reply

    April 26, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    I was born and lived most of my life in Melbourne. Lived in Sydney for about 4 years in Coogee, Five Dock, Glebe, Randwick and Maroubra.

    I do AGREE that Melbourne is a MEGA SHITHOLE.

    I think that some of your comments are not harsh enough but some are either not relevant anymore or you haven’t lived here ever:

    1. The city of Melbourne should be compared to Detroit. Don’t ever use the word New York in the same sentence as at least in New York you can buy clothes sizes that fit all and not just fat people.

    2. The roads and public transport are parking lots and even though the cops don’t give a shit about assault or murder they love speed cameras and fining you for petty shit wasting the time of everybody! You were not even close to how harsh you should have been here.

    3. Melbourne is not the fashion capital and has not been so for 20 years yet fat ugly women will judge you. Remnants of the feminist error where being a lazy fat shit was their right rather than exercising as good example for their kids. Lots of lonely women and men in Melbourne.

    4. Melbourne is an ugly woman’s paradise as Melbourne is the sporting capital and the general male here usually exercises in their youth and they get a super selection. Men have to suffer from not being able to find someone similar as ugliness is a disease here. Ergo this is why everyone is arty, cultured wannabes. Science and nature people get shat on and that’s why Victoria has the highest unemployment rate. ALL hot air.

    5. The weather description is funny. My mates in Sydney always bagged it and it was true about 20 years ago. We don’t get drizzle anymore, we are lucky to get rain. The summer is now mad. 40+ sicko days. In Sydney I never saw so much fucking rain.

    6. Melbourne is now full of thieves, liars and show offs. They really are nothings but like to believe. Sydney though is much worse for theft. Fucking everyone’s been robbed. I got fucking robbed. How FUCKED.

    7. Going out is SHITTY as most places are made not for meeting other people and having fun but attracting groups of people who never speak or communicate as segregation has become a sick disease and poker machines, tabs have replaced pool tables, pinball, darts and music. In Sydney you can meet people much more easily and they always want to do things where as in Melbourne my mates have all got married had kids and stopped going out.
    If you are single then your fucked.

    8. The city is ASIA and if you have ever seen ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK this is the only time New York is used in the same sentence as Melbourne. ITS A PRISON CITY. Its becoming like LA. No one goes into the city as its just shit looking buildings and rates have forced most non global or national companies out. Shopping is crap. Too many souvenirs and $2 dollar shops as the refugee intake increases.

    9. Cabbies in Sydney act dumb to rip you off which was FUCKED even when I lived there I was telling the fuckers off. Melbourne though is worse if that’s possible. My advice is that your better off getting a hire car. Boycott TAXIS in Melbourne as they run too many rackets and scams. Refugee riddled industry.

    10. Melbourne though has more better suburbs to live in close to the City than Sydney if that is English. The outer suburbs in Sydney are pretty shit.

    All in all, Melbourne has become a worse place to live since the No.1 ranking.
    A lack of infrastructure because the loudest communicators are usually the dumvbest cunts and that’s Melbourne. Too many ARTS, POLITiCAL, LEGAL and english language manipulating bullshit artists. Ever hear in school the saying “I’m too dumb to do science”.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 2:15 am

      To Lefty
      Melbourne and Sydney are “New York” but the old New York of the 1920s.
      If Melbournians compare themselves to today’s New York, they’re dreaming!
      My own, twin brother, Stephen Crafti, writes books and books, trying to pretend Melbourne, is cultured, it’s not Stephen!!!
      Melbourne has the culture of a toilet!
      And shitty Sydney is not far behind!
      Here’s a joke-
      What is the difference between Melbourne and Yoghurt?
      Yoghurt has at least some culture!

      • Sarah Taylor Reply

        October 18, 2016 at 6:55 pm

        Oh dear..Dr David (Sports Psychologist)….thank goodness you advertised that here…. I suspect because you are seeking kudos for your’ intelligent and witty’ commentary! Oh dear. One can always focus on the negatives….hence these forums clearly attract those who undoubtedly need an outlet to vent…about anything…love to hate…..so looks like Melbourne is it ! Accidentally came across this trash……so what’s next folks?! Let your hatred flow!

        Oh! By the way…I don’t reside in Melbourne!

    • Jeeves Reply

      May 5, 2016 at 4:34 pm

      Lol. What a trailer-trash hick! Please don’t come to Melbourne with your KKK ideologies. You’ll probably get beaten up.

      • Gus Reply

        May 29, 2016 at 12:24 pm

        Yeah, beaten up by that afican immigrant bloody Apex gang that is running riot in the city that can’t be stopped. I am a month away from moving to Mackay, Queensland, at the behest of everyone there who loves me and values my sanity, and the good of my immortal soul. I can’t wait, this hole Melbourne is utterly fucked in the bum.

        • stan the ram Reply

          May 30, 2016 at 4:07 am

          Melbourne(Greystones)is so ugly that Sydney should take out a restraining order to stop Melbourne from polluting Sydney with its ugliness.

        • Michael Reply

          February 1, 2017 at 11:31 am

          The so called “Apex gang” are just a bunch of kids who think they are ‘gangters’. The Herald Sun and Andrew Bolt would have you believe they’re a militia of some sort, what a joke!

      • Paul Reply

        January 17, 2017 at 11:42 pm

        Once again a left wing know all Victorian. I do believe it was Rex hunt (spelt with a silent C) who got the shit beat out of him in Byron bay. Basically because he is another Victorian know all!!!!!

    • stan the ram Reply

      May 30, 2016 at 3:53 am

      Lefty,,love ya comments bro ya spot on,,nuthin 2 do here in Greystones (melb)its so fuckin boring all we do is go shoppin and spend spend spend,,wat the fuck?

    • Amanda Rose Reply

      November 1, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      Good job Lefty. You hit the nail on the head good man! I’ve just moved here from QLD and I see the same as you do. Don’t take any notice of your critics. It seems they were born and inbred in Melb and know no different.

      • Phil Reply

        December 25, 2016 at 3:31 pm

        In Western Australia, Anglo-Australians are generally tall and attractive. In Southern Victoria, they are small, plain and downright ugly.

        Melburnians are also obsessed with sexuality. Put two and two together, and it is possible to see with the ugliness stems from.

        I read about a Melburnian by the name of William Chidley, a sex reformer from the early 20th century. He had some controversial views but he also described the ugliness in the sex-obsessed people of Melbourne.

    • SickofMelb. Reply

      February 22, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      Lefty, You are spot on! Especially on point number 7! I couldn’t have said better myself.

  8. putty Reply

    April 30, 2014 at 1:59 am

    Oh dear Lefty, you come across sounding like a xenophobic, misogynist, under-qualified loser who thinks the world owes him a living because he is a white male. I’m sure you’re none of those things. You were probably just a bit tired when you posted.

    • Ilana LIlana Reply

      June 23, 2015 at 12:07 am

      There is probably a good reason lefty is single……don’t ask. He’ll probably never know.

    • Paul Reply

      January 17, 2017 at 11:47 pm

      Another left winger who knows everything. I’m a white male and keep to myself. You are stereotyping white males. Aren’t all you left wingers meant to be open minded and tolerant? Don’t think so, just annoying people who had parents that didn’t show them enough attention.

  9. Tim Genikov Reply

    July 7, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Thank you Steven. I endured it for a year. It was like the twilight zone.
    I kissed the Tarmac when my plane landed back in Sydney.

    • Mike Pierre-Jean Reply

      July 7, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Normally when you meet people that look like Tim Genikov in a Melbourne nightclub, you start worrying about which vodka bottle he is going to glass you with. However he’s a true sign of how much friendlier people are in Sydney than in Melbourne. Yes, I’m a Melbournian. It’s not the city that makes Melbourne suck; it’s the people.

      • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

        December 24, 2015 at 2:20 am

        Full of wanna-be American Psycho Gangsters (like the Chicago character, actor Joe Pesci played on the Casino movie). Full of hustlers and SP bookies like Sam Rothstein (of that same movie).

  10. Harrison Reply

    July 24, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Fuck you Sydney faggots. MELBIN FOR FUCKIN LIFE CUNTS! MELBIN BEATS SYDNEY IN EVERY WAY

    • Rob Reply

      September 24, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      Harrison you are a twerp. If you read the comments you would realise that you do live in Australia’s colon. Yes, Sydney sucks too, I will agree with you there. But I’ve lived in both of these cities crap. Sydney is crap. Melbourne is ass piss.(not even the consistency of a soft turd. You should get out more. Try W.A. for instance. They also play GAYFL, oop;s I mean AFL.

    • Ilana LIlana Reply

      June 23, 2015 at 12:10 am

      I don’t like cities full stop, but if I had to live in a city, rather Melbourne than Sydney any day or Brisbane. Adelaide and Perth are meant to be nice. Very negative article about a gorgeous city. The article is more a reflection on the mentally and culturally impoverished person who wrote it. He should stay in Sydney and with any luck take the ,Manly Ferry on a stormy day, fall overboard and the sharks will have a nasty, sorry meant tasty breakfast.

      • Clara Reply

        July 14, 2015 at 10:48 am

        Thank you Ilana LIIana, finally, someone who sticks up for the beautiful city of Melbourne :)

    • Lewis Reply

      August 22, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      GO MELBOURNE FUCK FUCKING SYDNEY WEEEEW MELBOURNE IS THE MOST LIVABLE CITY IN THE WORLD LOOK IT UP YOU FUCKING SYDNEYSIDERS SUCK IT UP CUNTS MELBOURNE IS DA BOMB SYDNEY IS THE REAL SHITTY SHOW OFF BUT YOU DONT KNOW IT CUZ YOUR ALL FUCKINF RETARDS SO FUCK OFF

      • Paul Reply

        January 17, 2017 at 11:50 pm

        Obviously another Melbourne dole bludger. The city is full of them.

    • Will Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:49 pm

      Have you ever left dandenong?

  11. glenn Reply

    July 27, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Seek the care of a psychiatrist dipshit. I was in Sydney yesterday, it was raining and 14 degrees. Sydney thinks it compares to the likes of, NY, whose delusional. I was there a month ago and it ain’t nothing like Sydney. What do you call Sydeny without a harbour – Melbourne. I think you have too much time on your hands. A simple solution dickwad, don’t visit the place. Perhaps you couldn’t figure this out for yourself, perhaps the so-called sun that is always out in Sydney has fried your brain

    • Ahmed Reply

      August 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      Careful Glenn, you risk sounding like a typical melbournian – entitled and self-important, with a hint of the it’s-ok-to-be-violent-and-corrupt-because-i-support-the-labour-movement sanctimony of your forefathers.

      Despite your blue collar heritage you probably sport a scarf and trenchcoat (in freezing 17 degree temperatures), drive a European car, sip lattes from a drive in coffee shop (and you really think the coffee is better in Melbourne) because you think that’s what a cosmopolitan European does and as a melbournian that’s what you essentially think you are.

      And judging by the “I was just in NY” comment you’ve also inherited the melbournian desire to appear well-travelled and worldly, because you think that helps make you and your miserable city seem “cultured” and “edgy”.

      • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

        December 24, 2015 at 2:08 am

        To Ahmed, but Melbourne is becoming “edgy” and “cultured”, it’s full of pyschopaths like Ted Bundy. American tourists now visit Melbourne, to see the sites of the gangland shootings, reminds the Americans of 1920s Chicago, that’s how backwards Australia is!

  12. Ahmed Reply

    July 29, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Have to say I thought Sydney was a shithole, until I moved to Melbourne. What a bleak arsehole of a place to live. A flat, featureless barren wasteland. The human inhabitants endure miserable, meaningless lives in the pursuit of the melbournian dream; a 3 bedroom dump in werribee and a shiny new car they can barely afford. A terrible waste of human life for these miserable souls. Just an observation supporting my view of melbourne folk as materialistic, shallow show ponies they are: the abundance of humans wandering aimlessly around barren parks who appear to have stepped straight out of a rebel sport catalogue. Real wankers.

    • Nathan Reply

      August 4, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      Good Comment, not to mention the food is shit and the roads are shit and the freeways are death traps full of evil psychos, I regret ever moving here to this “wasteland”
      Melbourne should be nuked and the people are demons that live this deary dark life but they think it’s wonderful, I fear going on the freeways no one can drive My life is a misery here and death is a better option, The shopping is the worst here and no decent food

      • Ahmed Reply

        August 19, 2014 at 7:58 pm

        Agreed. Port Phillip bay is like the arsehole of Australia (Look at its shape an location on a map) and the inhabitants are the lumps of shit that were shat out and left behind when the country wiped its arse.

        • Elena Reply

          August 19, 2014 at 10:04 pm

          You are just an idiot.

        • Phillies Reply

          March 22, 2015 at 11:09 am

          Yep, have you ever tried swimming in the Bay in summer – like say, Elwood Beach – you get out of water and are literally itchy from all the crap in the brown water – diesel, anti fouling, dredged up silt and crap. Then you wander off for a stroll and get hit full face by a dry hot blasting wind full of grit that fucks your eyes up for half an hour. It’s a crime to call that stale murk a ‘beach’.

  13. Nathan Reply

    August 4, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    I love this Article but you are too kind, I live in this nightmare calling itself a major city, A major big city with the worst food and shopping on earth, all drivers are psycho, the roads all lead to hell and everyone one the road is demoniacally possessed to kill, I hate Melbourne with all my heart, I always have. Adelaide is better

    • Elena Reply

      August 19, 2014 at 10:05 pm

      Well move to Adelaide and stop complaining

  14. Elena Reply

    August 19, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    There is nothing wrong with Melbourne. To all those from Sydney jealousy is a curse and Melbourne although the weather is just weird is and always will be a better place to live than Sydney.

    • Lewis Reply

      August 22, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      im with you elena

    • Chloe Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      Says the melbournian..

  15. chunky Reply

    August 21, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    What a miserable bunch of people! Melbourne is a great place to live…I should know having travelled from the other side of the world. Take your Sydney vs Melbourne crap elsewhere

    • Phillies Reply

      March 22, 2015 at 11:01 am

      That’s funny, as I lived there and Melbournian’s are obsessed with how ‘great’ it is, even the papers – particularly The Age – obsessed with this ‘our Melbourne’ bullshit and so invested in some idea that it is either a.) culturally significant or b.) even of noticed by rest of world. Then even funnier, people there tell you how it’s much better than other capital city, yet most people I met there had never really travelled in Australia beyond Sydney. Best of all was some blow hard failed artist house share woman telling me that Melbourne was more sophisticated than other Australian cities, but after some inquiry, I discovered she had never travelled beyond the damn state! Wahhh…

    • Lewis Reply

      August 22, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      melbourne is the worlds most livable city

      • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

        December 24, 2015 at 2:05 am

        Was that a joke?

      • Mad Mastermind Reply

        March 12, 2016 at 3:59 pm

        If you consider residing in a cesspit to be the epitome of livability, then she is all yours Lewis old chap.
        Live it up!

  16. Matt Reply

    August 29, 2014 at 4:06 am

    Melbourne without a doubt is the arse hole of the world… I live there and hate it with passion… I have to go overseas twice a year just to recharge my batteries and feel like I am still alive… The place has nothing going for it , crap weather, crap transport, nothing to see or do after being to Lygon , fitzroy, Brunswick and chapel streets sooooo many times… Traffic is a f joke , petrol and car prices are ridiculous, food prices are very expensive, and if you smoke then forgett it $25 a PAC .
    Everyone you look at when driving are just miserable, it’s all hurry hurry rush rush work to pay f bills that don’t stop . Just no friking rewards in this place… People are slaves to their mortgages . And if you don’t drink or follow the footy, then you might as well kill yourself, cause you have absolutley nothing to do or talk about with the arse holes that live here.
    The place needs to be nuked and the world wouldn’t even notice let alone care.

  17. Paris Reply

    August 29, 2014 at 4:17 am

    I totally agree, melbourne is the most boring, most expensive, most un cultured, most bogan, most wannabes and social climbers, most flat and ugly landscap with the craziest and crappiest weather in the world. The place is not even worth remembering .

  18. Joebo Reply

    September 1, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Since moving I can’t help but notice how much rape their is in melbourne. A seriously rapey city. If I were a female in this joint I would be shitting in my gear. Melbourne is rape city.

    • Phillies Reply

      March 22, 2015 at 10:51 am

      Strangely that struck me too when resident there, in fact it freaked me out when two girls were raped and murdered about two streets from my girlfriend’s house – East Brunswick – years back. The lunatic then fled across the country and was caught, turned out it was arbitrary crime as back door opened when tried. Bad people everywhere but Melbourne just seems to have creepy muthafuckas roaming about.

      • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

        December 24, 2015 at 2:04 am

        Just like 1950s America. Full of nutcases like Roy De Meo, Tony Spilotro or Richard Kuklinksi. We used to have Dennis Bruce Allen, a real 19th Century wild-west cowboy. But we’ll get our next Richard Kuklinski, just you wait & see!

    • Mad Mastermind Reply

      March 12, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      The use of this term “rapey” is boiling my piss.
      What a disgraceful little word.
      Melbourne is a nasty joint for sure.
      That word makes sexual violence sound like a topic to be laughed up.
      Stop using it.

      • Joebo Reply

        August 24, 2016 at 9:34 pm

        Rapey rapey rapey roo. Get rosie batty on the case. Stop being a melbourne leftist and telling me what words I can and can’t use.

  19. David Sawyer Reply

    September 13, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    Unaffordable, unsustainable, windblown (cold or hot), vacuous, soul-less, somewhere that tries to be everywhere but ends up being nowhere.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 2:02 am

      Windblown-like Chicago “the windy city”.

  20. Pedro Reply

    October 18, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Melbourne is a great City! but you can only appreciate it when you live there. Sydney, sorry but I wouldn t live there even if they pay me for it. Melbourne=CLASS / Sydney=people like you!

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 2:02 am

      Sydney is full of arrogant gay, phonies as well.

    • Hunter Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 10:03 pm

      Not from either city, but i have lived in both. Melbourne is positively a genuine hole de shit. I actually can’t comprehend how people like Melbourne yet don’t like Sydney- had to move out of Melbourne it was so fucked.

  21. Jennifer Reply

    January 15, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Your article is brilliant and sums up Melbourne in every possible way! I spent 10 long years there (hated the weather) and finally moved back to beautiful sunny Brisbane. The best thing we ever did. That city sucks you in to hate on every other city in Australia even the world! It should be called “planet Melbourne”. We spent so much money down there, it seems that everyone is always trying to impress everyone or be better than each other it is exhausting and pathetic! We are so happy now and it took us a year to stop comparing everything to that dump of a city. People up in Sydney and Brisbane are so much more friendlier and the weather is awesome! On top of this we feel more connected to the world and most importantly Australia here. Over the past 18 months Brisbane has really come alive and we are so impressed with the city and things to do as we are in Sydney. Good riddens miserable Melbourne!

    • Sarah Taylor Reply

      October 18, 2016 at 7:01 pm

      The problem is not the City…the problem is you! Can’t you say no to yourself to stop trying to keep up with the Jones…keep those blinders on…lol!

      • Anonymous Reply

        October 21, 2016 at 12:54 am

        Run along SARAH! Why are you on this site if you arent a hater of Melbourne….. morons like you are the problem!

      • Anonymous Reply

        October 21, 2016 at 1:00 am

        And SARAH, maybe learn how to write properly…. the correct phrase is keep up with the Joneses!

  22. Jennifer Reply

    January 15, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    It is also full of try yards, sex offenders, D list celebrities and old corporate dicks. Got to love the people who get the corporate tickets to the same events every year…. I worked in corporates for years you get nothing it is always about the men going. It’s all about being a true “Melbournian” you will NEVER get accepted into their clicky groups unless you went to one of the elite Melbourne uni’s or colleges. All the friends I madevthere were from either interstate or overseas. You can never plan anything cause the weather is so shit and unpredictable. All you do there is spend money going to packed shopping centres or sitting in a cafe sipping a latte cause there is nothing else to do! Melbourne is like ground hog day, the same events, AFL I was sick to death of listening to eveyone go on about it daily, the same bars and restaurants years after year! Yes I did enjoy my time being single there for a short period of time but all you do is get drunk because there isn’t anything else to do….. It is trying so hard not to be Australian and brag about there lane ways and multi cultural city. I am also not missing listening to Eddie M say every bloody day “good morning old Melbourne Town the most liveable city in the world” bla bla!!! Keep telling yourselves that.

    • Denise Reply

      January 15, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Hi Jennifer, As someone who has lived in this totally backward, retarded state all my life, totally agree with all you have said!

      • Jenn Reply

        January 15, 2015 at 6:32 pm

        Hi Denise, you poor thing! So I do hope you can move away from there one day and be happy. I am sorry but I refused to grow old and die there I would rather go to hell first…
        I can tell you I kept trying to leave Melbourne since the first year I moved there after returning from London. Now that I have moved away finally, I now look back and realised how unhappy and miserable I was! I think Melbourne getting their so called “worlds most liveable city” title has made the place even more of a hell hole. It has been over run by anyone and everyone and I do not miss the chaos, people with problems, crap weather, nothing to do, Eddie McGuire, speeding fines and the inane drivers and constant traffic!

        • Melyawn Reply

          October 5, 2016 at 11:42 pm

          You’re spot on about the drivers. I was beside a long nosed, greesy curly black haired fellow at the lights. His honda crv had no brake lights, I was going to kindly let him know, but my wife thought such a courteous act in Melyawn might be misinterpreted. She’d be correct. I was in a line of cars turning right into a side street. The instant the light turned green our honda fellow now behind me started honking like a madman. Both myself and the car in front moved off very, very sedately, so this maniac had to wait until the next light change. Perfect example of a stupid, maniac Melyawn driver. He would’ve got round had he been patient, sadly he’s not alone, a good 5% plus of Melyawn drivers are angry and insane. Sydneys drivers are rude and self obsessed, a few angry ones, Melyawn is on another more dangerous level.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 2:01 am

      Don’t forget Jill Meagher’s murder in Brunswick by sex-offender, Adrian Ernest Bailey and his Lebanese wog mates. The criminal justice system in Melbourne, is a joke! The cops are like Chicago cops, all on the take. Very corrupt city, like Chicago!

    • Jay Peirce Reply

      March 13, 2016 at 12:45 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      “You can never plan anything cause the weather is so shit and unpredictable. All you do there is spend money going to packed shopping centres or sitting in a cafe sipping a latte cause there is nothing else to do!”

      Yes you are exactly correct, I experienced the same things when I lived there in 2007 for 10 months. I was also young and single, I found it very difficult to find anything to do in that city that didn’t surround money or getting drunk. Queing up with all the other idiots at their stupid bars, waiting for hours to get in and being told “not enough girls, cant come in”.

      Anyway, in 2008 we also moved to QLD. Now, we are on the Gold Coast, and I am surfing, kiting, riding bikes, stand up paddle, going on awesome walks on the beaches. Last weekend I went stand up paddling in the Broadwater, with real life dolphins diving and frolocking with us. There is no way in hell Melbourne could even come close to offering that…. go and frolick in Chadstone Shopping Centre maybe! People pay thousands from other countries to experience that! Its right on our doorstep!

      Also, THE WEATHER in Melbourne. Oh my god what crap! Excuse me, but if I want to live in shitty cold 1 Degree temperature, I will go and live on a mountain in Europe, at least with amazing food and culture and beauty, not some grey, disgusting expensive city next door to nothing!

      I mean, isnt that the whole point of Australia??. To be hot and live in the warmth! Where else but QLD? Shhhh.. don’t say it too loud, they might all move up here!

      • Jennifer Reply

        May 6, 2016 at 12:40 am

        Hi Jay,

        Well written! Wow your summary of your experience in Melbourne sounds like a mirror image of ours…. You couldn’t have explained things any better. We def had some good times there but it was all about getting totally smashed every weekend, spending all of your life Inside, blowing all of your money to keep up with their fashion and trying to meet Melbournians who wouldn’t let you in their circle of friends. It was exhausting!! Outside of that meh life there was bloody depressing and there was never anything to do. After 10 years of the same shopping centres especially Chaddy yuk, the same old smelly bars and tiny cafes which are also called “Melbourne’s institutions”, omg we had to make a change.

        Oh I couldn’t agree with you more and good on you for moving. I lived in London for a few years and I would rather return there if I wanted to freeze my ass off. We are so happy living up here in Brisbane and we visit the Gold Coast all of the time. Life up here is amazing, we couldnt have spent one more miserable wet, cold, windy winter down in Melbourne. Our lives are now less stressful, we are much happier and we don’t have to impress people all of the time. People are so friendly are up here and less stuck up, it’s nice. Now that the GC, Brisbane and the sunny coast are fast growing, there is so much more to do up here now! We are so happy for you and we also love it.

        Jennifer 😊

    • Melyawn Reply

      October 5, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      Eddie M is sooooo Melyawn obsessed, I refuse to watch any program he’s in or emanates from gtv9 or hsv7. That extends quite a long way.

  23. Duane Reply

    February 1, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Melbourne is like a piece of forgotten roadkill and the people within it’s walls are the maggots feasting on it’s stinking rotten corpse.

    I have lived in this gaping protruded asshole of a city my whole life and I know it is responsible for making me the pathetic shallow jerkoff I am today. I blame it entirely on the worthless people and the baseless environment that surrounds me like a swarm of flithly disease-ridden shit beetles.

    My nose bleeds from the toxic air, my ears bleed from the pointless chaos and my eyes bleed from the having to look at the world’s biggest festering turd of a city every day of my unbearable nauseating life.

    The city and it’s inhabitants are a cancer and only a dose of hiroshima-style radiation can improve it. Turn this place to dust once and for all. Erase this shitsmear of a city from history forever and take me with it.

    • Jennifer Reply

      March 28, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      Love it!

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:58 am

      And also Melbourne and Sydney cop everyone else’s shit weather, including LA’s horrible heat and smog in October (due to the strong Pacific winds) and then the horrible shitty heat from outback Australia (this time red dust and bushfire smoke).
      And all of the modern buildings are souless grey coloured crap, that’s not fir for animal habitation! Melbourne has gone from being a dull, provincial English style city, like Manchester to a mean and nasty hustler city like 1920’s Chicago!
      (Everyone in Melbourne is a ‘racketeer’).

    • Grapes Reply

      January 18, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      This is so good

  24. Sebastian Reginald Allenby Reply

    February 2, 2015 at 11:19 am

    I’ve lived in Melbourne most of my life and I have one thing to say, if it talks like a turd, smells like a turd, looks like a turd, it’s most definitely a step up from Adelaide or Brisbane. However, If you go to the Dandenong Mountains on a clear day, and if you look towards the city at first it looks alright, but if you squint your eyes, and I mean really squint them, you can kind of make out that the whole city looks like a steaming pile of cow shit. All of sudden you may be overcome with emotion and feel the need to reach out to that cow shit, grab a whole fistful of it and throw it in the direction of New Zealand in a jealous rage. It’s amazing why so many of those balls-deep-in-sheep people want to move here. I reckon we should put up a huge warning sign just before you reach immigration at Tulla saying “Go back. This city is shit. you have been warned.” Sydney’s a bit better, pity there are so many mozzies. I’m allergic to mozzies or I’d move there in a heartbeat.

    • sam Reply

      August 2, 2016 at 1:41 am

      … if it leaves comments like a turd… it’s a turd…

  25. Danny Reply

    February 8, 2015 at 2:29 am

    Well I’m moving there from Perth, so it will seem pretty good! However I am a pom and used to live in London and Manchester….

    • FuckMelbourne Reply

      February 26, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      I moved here from Perth. Worst thing I ever did, I fucking hate Melbourne.

      So Perth is a bit bogan, and a bit quiet. But that is WONDERFUL. It’s laid back, sunny, the people are friendly and there’s a work/life balance that is not only respected but encouraged.

      Melbs is full of cunts who will tell you at any opportunity just how fucking “cultured” this fucking place is. Fuck, everywhere else, grafffiti is VANDALISM – in Melbourne it’s “STREET ART”. What the actual fuck?! Everything looks so run down, except Docklands, which every wanking Melbournian takes a SHIT on because it doesn’t have stinking smoke filled laneways.

      This place sucks, I’m moving back to Perth.

      • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

        December 24, 2015 at 1:52 am

        Wise Move! Perth may be a young 1940s LA, but at least it’s affordable!

        • sam Reply

          August 2, 2016 at 1:44 am

          1940’s LA? What is it with you oztards comparing australian ‘towns’ to older versions of great american cities?

  26. Bob Reply

    March 22, 2015 at 10:28 am

    This is hilarious. I lived there for few years. At first seems quite good as start of in close proximity to city and hence some good features like Botanical Gardens etc. But as get more settled tend to move further out as cheaper and bigger space for couple. Big mistake, as soon as you move out past where the trams stop running, Melbourne is same old suburban trap hole, you are royally fucked. Without car you are trapped by overcrowded and frustrating train service. Then we realised the area always had those chipped teeth underclass psychopaths lurking around train stop (Melbourne outer suburbs produce these in bulk) and it’s pass under and local high street, permanently on amphetamine benders, and even more shithead adolescents who looked on same vocation trajectory.
    It’s good if young and renting in city areas but as soon as get old enough to move into a house you can afford you realise you are stuck in a fucking miserable suburban wilderness.

  27. SHITNYIZ4LOZAS Reply

    April 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    MELBIN NOT SHIT, U SHT!!! SHITNY IZ FUGO FUKWIT SLOPPY POOS TERD BRGR FUK UR OPRA HOWSE TOILET BOWL IN DA ASS; JUMP OF UR POO BRIJE SHIT CUNTS!

    • Joe Nelson Reply

      April 5, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Well said.

      • realauzzie Reply

        April 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

        ur both melburne pathetic yuppie hipster losers go get some shitty overpriced diahreoah ass runoff coffee and go eat a turd burger with ass sauce off a try hard to be cool toilet bowl in a try hard trendy cafe while you twist your shitty moustache and wank your beard as you philosophy about how you suck hipster wankers!!

        • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

          December 24, 2015 at 1:50 am

          Well said mate! You took the words out of my mouth!

    • Lewis Reply

      August 22, 2015 at 11:31 pm

      yez GO MELBIN ITZ GRET EZ FUKING TFFEE AAPLZ GER MELBON

  28. Marrlissa Reply

    April 13, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    What a load of rubbish. Yes I know Melbourne is crap but You guys should be greatful u even live in Melbourne or Sydney in this beautiful country Australia! I bet if u moved to a poor country like India or the poorest parts of Africa, Melbourne would seem like a dream come true! Be grateful for what u have.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:48 am

      To Marrlissa, we’re getting there! Australia is becoming the next Argentina, to rising super-power China (whom is becoming more like the old 1950s America). Another poem I guess-
      MULTI-CULTURALISM
      The weather’s great
      The Locals are fine
      English is spoken most of the time
      They’re fun , happy and rarely mean
      Probably because they are dumb, ignorant
      And rarely seen!

  29. Ben H Reply

    May 3, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    Melbourne is shit but so is Sydney.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:49 am

      Yes they tell me they used to say the same thing about Chicago and New York in the 1960s.

  30. Seriously Reply

    May 8, 2015 at 12:33 am

    Hysterical, though some true comments. I think the most liveable city tag has gone to their heads, gee it’s only one survey, and they are gullible enough to actually believe it. Melbourneians also go on how they are the sports capital, the arts capital, coffee capital, food capital of Australia, any city could say that, but those from other cities know this would sound rather trite (let alone insecure) ,they often brag about how Melbourne has culture, has arts, cafe’s, restaurants, shops etc. however, again these are also things that nearly every other city on the planet has, as far as a major city is concerned there is nothing unique with Melbourne at all, just a fairly big city with endless urban sprawl, ugly high rise buildings on a dirty river, like hundreds of cities around the world. What’s going to happen when Melbourne finally looses the most liveable city tag by that sole survey? Desperately resurrect that joke of a number place slogan “Victoria the place to be”.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Melbourne today has nothing. All of those “trendy” bars and cafe have since closed down! Just look at Fitzroy Street, St Kilda, all of the pretentious yuppy-rot, eating joints have folded-up. Only the “Gatwick Hotel”, full of deperado druggies and pretentious, hollow, shallow yuppy pubs run by that yuppy turd, Julian Gerner.
      To Julian Gerner (and that other yuppy turd, Julian Latimer), I hope the pair of you go broke! You 2 are both products of yuppified 1990’s Melbourne.
      Now Melbourne is one big sad joke.
      And Lord Mayor Robert Doyle and his fellow Geelong, Mayor, Darrell Lyons, can both jump in a lake!

    • Melyawn Reply

      October 6, 2016 at 12:01 am

      My favourite trite vic number plate slogans always has a word or 2 missing.

      Victoria – on the move “somewhere else”

      Victoria – the education state “for foreign students wanting residency”

      Victoria – stay safe “stay away”

      • FizzWizz Reply

        October 18, 2016 at 6:34 pm

        Agree with your “foreign students wanting residency” – how accurate! Also this one Victoria -the place to be “fined”

      • FizzWizz Reply

        October 18, 2016 at 6:38 pm

        I also saw this one on the back of someone’s trailer: Victoria the state of disbelief.

  31. yo yo Reply

    May 20, 2015 at 10:23 am

    horses for courses!! i love QLD!! yeeeee-haaaaa

  32. thephilosophyofawhitewoman Reply

    May 25, 2015 at 10:47 pm

    I heart Melbourne. Lived in Sydney for 20 years, but no amount of Harbour, Sunshine, glorious views or tranquil bush will make up for the love I have for my daggy, rainy home:)

  33. jon Reply

    June 2, 2015 at 8:36 am

    melbourne is full of people without personality. All of them are the same, do the same things, have the same thoughts, the same opinions…

    • Yep Reply

      January 12, 2016 at 2:03 pm

      100% agree

    • Mad Mastermind Reply

      March 12, 2016 at 4:11 pm

      Met a friendly person in Melbourne today….

      Turns out she was from Echuca;)

      • Sylvie Reply

        July 10, 2016 at 8:25 pm

        Best comment yet and so so so true!

  34. Calm down Reply

    July 3, 2015 at 11:05 pm

    If Melbourne is a shithole then Sydney’s worst. Plus they don’t just give out awards to any city so calm down Sydney, Perth and Adelaide also made it in the top ten we just came first. We never said that Melbourne is the best place to have swim on the beach but, we have a lot of sports, bars, cafes and restaurants. Ive been to Sydney and the people their are the worst mannered and cockiest people I’ve ever met. Every city has its ups and down. OK I hope you understand.

    • Mad Mastermind Reply

      March 12, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      Cocky beats snobby.
      Sports, bars, cafes and restaurants…
      Melbourne has those?
      Unable to find any, as compelled by hideous traffic to just keep moving.
      Moving away from Melbourne!

  35. Clara Reply

    July 14, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Wow, most of these comments on Melbourne city are negative…… most of you so called “people” have so much time on your hands to post about Melbourne and call it a shit city and it has arrogant people, well look whose talking, go use your time wisely you hypocrites… nothing gives you the right to call Melbourne a shit hole. Just stop being so jealous !!!1

    • Fuck off Clara Reply

      July 31, 2015 at 7:45 pm

      Fuck off Clara, you might be used to being told how to think and what to say (sounds like u are a Victorian), but we have every right to proclaim to the world what giant festering grog bogs melbourne and it’s shitstain inhabitants are.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:38 am

      Jealous of what?
      That the fact Melbourne is fast becoming the next “Chicago” of down-under, full of drug addicts slums and empty shops?

  36. Queenslander Reply

    July 19, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    I have had two experiences, just today, which ensure I’ll never come back to this dump. The people here are just plain RUDE.

    I’m from Queensland so I don’t feel the cold as easily as other people may.

    So I quickly pop out to the 7-Eleven quite early. Admittedly its cool but not cold enough for me to throw jeans and shoes on. Jumper, shorts, thongs.

    So I’m walking down Swanston Street and some middle-aged bloke is walking towards me. As he’s getting closer I can hear him say to himself ‘wearing shorts and thongs’. Then as he gets closer, he actually starts speaking. “How can you be wearing shorts and thongs?” and he gives me this really dirty look. I just look at him and say nothing. We pass. Then he pipes up again and turns around, while still walking slowly away from me still . “Shorts and thongs in this weather”. Then he stops. “No seriously, have you got a fuckin brain?” I said “look mate, this stuff doesn’t bother a Queenslander”. He replies “yeah well maybe you should go back to fuckin Queensland”. I said “if you’re so tough take your hands out of your pockets” and just kept walking. Then he said some more jibberish I couldn’t understand.

    Then about 3 hours later, I order a large flat white from Gloria Jeans. I wait. Another chick orders one after me. A few minutes later, the coffee guru says “flat white”. I move forward but am cut off by this Rosie O’Donnell lookalike saying “the flat white is mine”. Before I can say anything else, her hand is around it and I have no chance. So she goes with my coffee. 5 minutes later I get my hands on one and walk out. Old love is sitting outside having a great time!

    I hate Melbourne. It is a shithole full of rude arrogant motherfuckers. Bulldoze the whole place.

    • stands up for melbz Reply

      July 28, 2015 at 12:29 pm

      awww you poor thing, had a little incident with having to wait 5mins for a coffee, grow up and get over it, and more importantly, go back to QL

      • Queenslander Reply

        July 28, 2015 at 2:23 pm

        Yeah well, at least Queenslanders don’t abuse people on the street for no reason. Your local yokel couldn’t even hack the Melbourne weather. What a fail. He thought he’d be a tough smartarse, making snide remarks while passing and expecting to walk on feeling good about himself. Yep he was all tough until he was stopped in his tracks. He shut up pretty quick when he knew I wasn’t gonna take his shit.

        Terrible coffee too. Just saying.

        • stands up for melbzReply Reply

          July 28, 2015 at 7:53 pm

          well melbourne may not have the best weather, and im sorry for ur bad experience with the people but tbh, there will be rude people everywhere, not just in melbourne

        • Brisbane Reply

          January 31, 2016 at 11:47 pm

          Well said! We love Brisbane and it is becoming such a great city now. Growing and changing at a rapid rate and the people here are so friendly.

        • BNE Reply

          May 6, 2016 at 1:03 am

          Well said!

        • Claire Reply

          August 22, 2016 at 9:53 pm

          Not from qld.. But at least queenslanders play real sports

      • Paul Reply

        January 18, 2017 at 12:06 am

        Fuck that, Queensland is full of victorian cunts as well. They ran there in the 90s when labor and the unions fucked the horrible state of Victoria up. The only reason why Melbourne is still populated is because of immigration. Remember this, the first fleet were bound for botany bay. Not that shit port Phillip bay!!!!!

    • Glen from Glen Waverley Reply

      January 18, 2017 at 10:18 am

      you dress like a child and you got dominated by Rosie O’Donnell in a coffee shop and now you’re having a cry about it. When you stop sooking and your spine finally forms you might be able to even stand up for yourself.

  37. troll Reply

    July 27, 2015 at 1:00 am

    Too many indians. It’s friggen gross.

    • stands up for melbz Reply

      July 28, 2015 at 12:31 pm

      um excuse, Australia is a multi cultured country with many different cultures, how are indians gross? they are human too, obiouslly u havent been educated

      • stands up for melbz Reply

        July 28, 2015 at 12:32 pm

        *obviously

      • Melyawn Reply

        October 6, 2016 at 12:35 am

        Google It, wherever indians go overseas to live, they turn their new home into a tip, any place with a plethora of indians will be foul, Melyawn ticks the tip box. Older indians raise this all the time, there’s a ted talk about it, it’s not a myth, it’s cultural for them to be filthy and crap outside.

      • Paul Reply

        January 18, 2017 at 12:10 am

        How dare you you fuckin cunt of a thing!!!!!! I have a university degree and hate Indians. Education doesn’t stop you from hating someone. It also does not make you a better person. I know people without education that would run rings around you. Fuck off back to being a professional student!!!!

  38. The big fella Reply

    July 28, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Yeah I totally agree. Asshole of the world.
    Its over rated, trying to be something its not, very racist, crap roads, badly designed city, no infrastructure, bad public transport, very expensive, and to make matters worse its a nanny state.

    The weather is crap and people are shit wannabe American or European or have that Bullshit Brit upper class air about them haha what a laugh, 90% of you guys would last 10min in London or Manchester or any l European city and even less in LA or NY and
    I ve seen homeless people in New Dehli or Bangkok with more class. I have lived and worked in many countries on both sides of the hemisphere and I can say that Melbourne is one of the worst places to be in.

    As i write this post Iam looking outside Tullamarine Air Port for the last time and i dont care, I am about to board a flight back home to TX, USA, where a man is truly free and shit just makes sense there.
    And for the hecklers who want to give me shit about that, answer me this question why is that more Australians want to become Americans?

    • stands up for melbz Reply

      July 28, 2015 at 12:35 pm

      to answer ur question “big fella” we dont. and ur name suits ur personality “big piece of shiz” just stop putting down melbourne, obviously u think fondly of it, seeing u found the time to find this article and post an horrible comment, lol u low life

      • Sticks up for melbz Reply

        July 28, 2015 at 8:40 pm

        Didn’t mean to call u a low life and big piece of shit I’m just sick of people baging Melbourne, I’m sure ur not that bad and yes u are intitled to have an opinion, even if it’s stereotypical

        • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

          December 24, 2015 at 1:28 am

          Get it over wanker! Melbourne sucks! My Jewish father came here from Brisbane, back in the 1950’s, I wished he stayed in Brisbane! And if you readers think Melbourne is bad, have a look at Geelong, a “ghost city” like Detroit, Michigan (same failed car industry-LOL)

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:35 am

      To the Big Fella
      You’re right on all counts!
      Australians are re-cycled Americans from the 1950’s.
      Even you Americans have moved on and mellowed down like the old Europeans.
      Now it’s Melbourne’s turn to be the “new” Chicago.
      People tell me Chicago was a bigger,dirty dump in the 1940s and 1950s, than it is today!
      Isn’t that where Tony “the ant” Spilotro came from?
      We’ve plenty of these gangster characters here in “smell-bourne” now too!
      If any of you Americans want to know what it was like to live in America, during the 1920s, visit Melbourne-it’s that backwards! No Kidding. here’s another poem-
      PROGRESS
      I like to happy
      I like to be sad
      But the modern world makes me mad!
      It talks about freedom and freeing the soul.
      Are you kidding? it’s like digging a hole!
      And the hole is getting bigger and bigger..

    • Mad Mastermind Reply

      March 12, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      Tex old mate, tell me all about these Australians who want to become Americans.

      Yes, certainly, Melbourne is a dismal hovel, built on a burial mound, it is horrid for real.

      About that Texan feeling, where everything makes sense…
      Make sense of Ted Cruz for me one time!

      Deep in the heart of Texas…

    • sam Reply

      August 2, 2016 at 1:49 am

      Go back to Texas… no one cares about your opinion…

  39. James Reply

    August 5, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Miscellaneous and random..

    Yeah pretty much I agree, that person is right, the city is not very pleasant it’s dirty
    and the amount of drugs here from what I ve seen is appalling.
    I came here years ago to do music and
    the amount of ego maniacs here I was
    gob smacked, at open mikes etc, made
    me want to vomit.

    I have been all around Australia and liked
    Darwin Perth (rocked) Queensland up north like Cairns is awesome!

    Adelaide is great if you like it more quiet and it’s safer.
    The amount of violence I ve seen here over the last few years is appalling.

    The night life..
    I have seen to girls fighting like two
    wild cats in Richmond inside a cab.
    where the inside of the door seal was
    ripped of and strewn on the pavement
    amongst high heels broken makeup and
    other bit if clothing torn.
    I have seen mass brawls in the city in one
    night club, where there were numerous
    amount of police panel vans and security
    cars deployed in Melbourne one night
    few years ago..I have travelled all around
    Australia and never seen anything like this!

    The city…
    The city is ugly going over the Westgate
    and traffic is always bottle necked in most
    roads.
    The city itself is ugly and cold it reminds
    me if Gotham City with the buildings
    and condos rising like a cancer.

    Infrastructure…
    Public transport is almost below average
    in performance for a large city..
    We all know about over crowding on tram trains and buses, which is very similar to third world conditions, this is no exaggeration, these, are facts..
    So much money wasted in prettying up
    Southern Cross could of been pumped
    into an already over strained system..

    Housing…
    I agree the terrace houses are so ugly
    I would like to drive a huge bull dozer
    like the one in Avatar and demolish
    the whole lot of them!
    This feeble attempt at architecture
    of the most horrid kind can be on par
    with the this damn housing affordability crises.

    Climate..
    The weather is weather city can’t
    help that as water comes from the artic
    in winter and is largely responsible for
    why it gets so cold every winter here..

    Beaches…
    What can I say here, St Kilda really, Melbourne has the most ugliest beaches, not in Australia, but the whole planet unless
    you drive hours away and I wish someone
    would take a crowbar to those bathing
    boxes pull em apart and have a huge bonfire on the beach on a cold winter
    night..

    My experience here.
    From my detailed observation from living
    here it ain’t the most liveable cities by
    far, what a load if old cobblers!!!
    I have a name for this place and its
    nickname is “psycho city”!!
    Sorry, but this is a fact, as I have never
    so many angry people living in cohesion
    with one another, maybe it’s the city
    itself or maybe its all the corruption, like multinational company cash cows, drug dealers, corruption in gov sevices and narcissism at its most vile which is feeding the coal in the big mouth of the hungry beast we call Melbourne…

    Solution..

    With warning so the good souls can
    Evacuate..
    A 25 meter iron nickel meteor weighing about 270,000 tons ravelling
    at 100,000 kilometres per hour slamming
    into the hungry beast” s city centre with
    the energy of 2.6 megatons of TNT
    leaving a crater 1 kilometre in diameter like the one called The Berringer Crater in Taxas..
    Tremors felt as far as Templestowe
    Oakliegh South Birbank and Altona and the shaking of wall clocks, cutlery, wall painting car alarms mayhem from the destruction if this big ugly beast so we
    can rebuild a new utopia..

  40. Ricky Ray Robertson Reply

    August 19, 2015 at 5:54 am

    My ex is a Croatian from Melbourne. always went on about the coffee, the culture and it being the “most livable city” .
    I just read an article about Melbourne being named “most livable city” for the 5th consecutive year.
    yet… Ironically , in the same article was this …

    Most liveable ‘only for some’: VCOSS
    The Victorian Council of Social Service said Melbourne’s top ranking failed to recognise the growing disparity between those who can afford to live where the services and jobs are and those who have to live in areas of high unemployment and poor transport.
    “Perhaps the EIU should survey the growing number of people sleeping rough on Melbourne’s streets about how liveable they find the city in the midst of winter,” Emma King, VCOSS chief executive said.
    “A growing body of evidence paints a starkly different picture of our community.
    “Over the coming decade we need to fit millions more people into Victoria with the state’s population set to boom.
    “We cannot merely keep expanding Melbourne’s fringe without increasing jobs, infrastructure and services there.”

    The people i met from Melbourne ( and i did not meet them all , so i am not generalizing) were pretentious. When they came to Texas, regardless of where we were, what we ate, or what we were doing, there was always ” In Melbourne our Restaurants are so much better”
    ” Oh our freeways are so much better in Melbourne”
    and of course, COFFEE WAS INVENTED in Melbourne…

    apparently so were 80s designer jeans…among a few other things.

    But I think the moment i stopped being put off by them, and seriously began feeling sorry for them was when they belittled our waiter in a restaurant for saying the word “cilantro,”.

    YOU ARE SO UNCULTURED!! EVERYONE KNOWS IT IS CALLED “CORIANDER!!
    It’s EUROPEAN!! IT COMES FROM GREECE SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT LIVING IN TEXAS? I am from Melbourne, AUSTRALIA, I think I should know what it’s called!!”

    The waiter sat and listened to this foolish belittling for about 5 minutes and then he said
    “Actually it’s also called Chinese parsley or dhania, and it is grown in Europe, Africa and Asia.
    But it’s also grown in Mexico, and Right here in Texas, where we call it Cilantro, which if you were as cultured as you claim, you would realize , is the SPANISH WORD FOR CORIANDER!”

    I gave the guy a 60 dollar tip!!

    • Lizzy Rose Reply

      August 26, 2015 at 12:32 am

      Thankyou Ricky you made my night :) Im coming to Texas

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:24 am

      I hope you like these 2 poems about Australia and Melbourne in particular.
      HAVE A NICE DAY
      I live in a land where the people are mean
      Mentally dirty and very un-clean
      They are common and dull
      Primitive and crude.
      They see it as a National Pastime
      To be Provincial and Rude!

      PEASANT’s PARADISE
      Where the people don’t care
      Where Governments make decisions with middle-class flair
      Where the heart becomes extinct
      And where the minds rule like a sporting team
      Where beauty, art and love mean nothing
      And sport rules supreme!

      • Mohan Prem Reply

        June 10, 2016 at 1:38 pm

        Pretentious people attract pretentious friends. Not everyone in Melbourne is pretentious twat, and I do agree there are quite a few in Melbourne. But it’s not just Melbourne, the whole world is filled with perfection douchebags and it seems like you fit in nicely with them

  41. Zed Reply

    August 19, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    as someone who has lived and worked in both cities for an extended period of time I have to agree, Melb is a rank shithole

  42. Andrew Henwood Reply

    September 17, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    I’m a Sydney sider and I actually quite like Melbourne. Don’t know that I’d live there cause the winters are a bit harsh but it’s not that bad.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:19 am

      Sydney’s winters are getting harsher too (esp in the blue mountains area), from what I’ve been told in recent years . Ohh and the summers in Sydney are still wet and humid (just like old New York).

  43. Amy D Reply

    September 18, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    After relocating my whole family here from sunny Brisbane (as I bought into the most liveable city in the world bullshit), I am sitting here one year in going wtf have we done. Sold our gorgeous house with a resort style swimming pool, to come down here and rent some dark dingy overpriced cave in the eastern suburbs. We have quickly realised that if we hope to buy a place that is anywhere remotely desirable here (i.e. eastern suburbs), that we don’t have a prayer. A two bedroom semi-detached completely original dump with no parking is about all you can get for a million bucks. A fuckin joke. And the hours people work here – may as well be in America. 12 hour work days are standard. If you’re lucky. Perhaps because there’s no decent weather to head home and enjoy. There are things I enjoy about Melbourne (struggling to think of them right now) but it’s not the amazing place to live a well rounded life that the brochure paints it to be. And don’t get me started on how the people speak here….all I have to say is watch the Footy Show…terrible. Anyway, for my two cents, if a work life balance is important – head to Brissy. Employers understand you have a family – and that you like to go home and spend time with them. Pools can actually get used because there is a full fledged summer and the average Joe can afford more than a fuckin shed to house their family.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:17 am

      Guess what Amy D? it is like America-Chicago-circa 1935. Even Brisbane has rail-links to it’s airports, Melbourne is so backwards, that if you even point this out to the dull, common morons here, they get angry (because deep in their hearts, they know Melbourne sucks!!!)

  44. sadsadsdasd Reply

    September 26, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Melbourne: Shitty weather, piss poor people dominated by idiots

  45. Phoebe Reply

    October 4, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Just got my car broken into again in fucking shitty Melbourne, 1st day back after a few years, I left for the same reason car break inns, well was out over the weekend, melbourne was friendly years ago, now its full and I mean full of angry men all tatts all over them, bump into them at a pub and club and its nearly fighting, You walk around the city and womens handbags are no longer safe I saw that many druggies looking at womens hand bags its a joke, to steal things, I was out over the weekend when did this city loose its safe feeling at night? Melbourne is like Detroit full of filth crime and thieves, and wannabe fashion people come one, I was in Laboutins today well I said to the staff and the shop was full, “do you realize that all this shit in this store was the crap that was all on sale in London only a few months back but you want full price, how to empty a shop 6 girls left right there and then , as they knew it was last seasons fashions like all in other stores in Melbourne, Sorry to say this Melbourne but Sydney kicks your ass now, as does Adelaide, southbank is a mini failure of apartments that look like communist poland or russia era Crown Casino is full of misery and looks rather dated and ugly now, Llyod Williams had that place rocking, Packer killed it, Full of High end fashion that was in style in Europe 12 months ago… Melbourne roads speed cameras everywhere, hello was in Europe last year Germany rocks as does the 130KPH limit on most roads there, whats this 110 crap here with variable speed cameras, petty crime, go after the ice dealers etc etc, and rapists… Melbourne the most livable city yes thats right because its mind numbing boring, thats what it is… London, Paris, New York, should never be used in the same sentence as Melbourne, Melbourne should be compared to Aleppo, Sudan, Kandahar, etc etc its 3rd world, whats this about the trains come on they are ancient even sydney has newer trains, as does Perth, The only thing Melbourne can do is sport that game only played in Aussie land, AFL what a joke its off season now what you guys going to do for 6 months? The only decent thing melbourne has is the Tennis which is being ruined by the locals the grandslam of AustraAsia hmmmm , The US open, Wimbledon, And the French open why is the Aussie open not just that? oh thats right Melb needs money from Asia as its broke and anyone that has any get up and go leaves and never comes back? and the name drop mentality here is a joke, what really does melbourne have? that other cities dont…… really… if you draw a map of the world and you need to put the arsehole someone just put it near Melbourne as Tassie is what the outcome was….. sorry Melbourne but you are no longer special. you are a tragic hole.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:12 am

      Melbourne is real shit, like the old Chicago. Sydney’s worse, like the old New York City, dangerous (western suburbs like 1930’s New Jersey now already), The rest of cocky, hustler , arrogant Sydney, going the way of LA and the old ‘big apple’. Just and wait (LOL) till the gun-crime among the Lebs in western suburbs in Sydney gets out of hand. Gun control’s a joke in Australia! This whole Shitty Anglo-Saxon-Turd society, is now emulating the early 20th century America, which in my opinion is real tragic, just see droves of the old-timers in Sydney and “smell-bourne” re-locate overseas or in regional towns like Dubbo, Wagga, Albury-Wodonga , Bendigo or Ballarat.
      Even dull provincial towns are more “exiciting” then Melbourne & Sydney. (and more safer too).
      Melbourne and Sydney- no more rivarly-both expensive mean and nasty shit holes now!

      • Mad Mastermind Reply

        March 12, 2016 at 4:32 pm

        Hear hear Doc,

        I cannot for the life of me understand why every cunt needs or wants to live in a CITY for fucks sake.

        Go bush you freaks.

        The regions…
        Where you can buy a huge home on 5 acres for 150k, no lie. Start a business, and convert the deutsch yokels!

        City slickers are sooo flaming thick.

        The smart folk are goin’ up the country and we ain’t comin’ back…

        Oh, except to pick up mud crabs from the airport so we can pretend we’re still up North.

        Melbourne looks like a 7 day meth run just come screeching to a very big, dirty dumpster out the back of Victoria St Nui Dat.

        Non jocularis
        Over & out cuz

        Ready up, roll!

    • Sal Reply

      May 6, 2016 at 12:57 am

      You poor thing! I had my car broken into at least 5 times whilst living in Melbourne and the windows smashed. I was too scared to walk in the city at night or go to the car parks. It always had a sinister feel to the place at night!

  46. Hjj Reply

    October 22, 2015 at 8:58 am

    Hahahaha great write up I live in Melb the weather is absolutely atrocious. Housing is borderline impossible but if your lucky you will land a city job work 8 hours a day and travel another for another 2 hours, 40kms to the properties you can afford on roads that have not been improved yet taxes and tolls continue. With whatever time you have left your lucky to be able to spend it outdoors – and they wonder why theres a problem.

  47. Jenny Reply

    October 23, 2015 at 3:32 am

    Agree. I hate Melbourne and I live here. Weather is horrible! There’s no summer it’s just a few very hot days followed by a few freezing days etc. It’s just a boring place with boring people who are all followers. Wish I lived in Europe! The UK with all it’s rain is still a much better city full of excitement and entertainment!

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:04 am

      Just like Chicago now, Jenny. One winter we had snow, even in the bayside suburbs and if you live anywhere around say Mt Waverly or Scoresby, you’ll cop the stinking heat in summer and snow drifts in winter, Sydney’s blue mountain area, not much better.

  48. Carl Stuart Murray Reply

    November 14, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Currently in Sydney. It’s a shit hole. Melbourne is far superior than this god forsaken excuse for a city.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:02 am

      It’s so sad Australia has become like the “old” 1950’s America, full of mean hustlers and con-artists and locals that don’t care.

  49. toby Reply

    December 13, 2015 at 4:10 am

    After 3 years in this city, I knew after 1 month I wanted to leave this overrated craphole and never come back. There is Nothing here but DFOS, cafes and shit ken and barbie dolls in tracksuits.Default settings for melbournians is hostility. Gambling, drug taking and football is all there is to do.loads of chavs on meths too.
    Absolute crap hole and the sinkhole of ostraylya. Honestly that is the truth.

    • Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

      December 24, 2015 at 1:01 am

      You’re right mate!

  50. toby Reply

    December 13, 2015 at 4:29 am

    What people need to ask is how did Melbourne get the most livable city rating?

    • Dean Reply

      December 20, 2015 at 10:51 am

      I’ve lived in Melbourne my whole life and it has truly become a craphole, particularly over the last ten years. Overcrowded, overpriced, overrated, shitty weather, full of crims and druggies and rude arrogant assholes who think their own shit doesn’t stink….it was given that “most livable city” tag back in about 1990 from memory, and somehow some stupid tourist blog keeps giving the title out….it truly isn’t the “most livable city” anymore, and hasn’t been for a very long time…

  51. Donna Glover Reply

    December 22, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    I hate the joint!!!!
    We have been in Melbourne 8 months for work and can’t wait to get out of it. Nothing beats the feeling of driving out of there to a place that isn’t moving at a millions miles an hour. The drivers are rude, living expenses are out of this world, and intertainment if u can afford it will cost you a fortune. It’s a place I wouldn’t visit again.

  52. Dr David (Sports Psychologist) Reply

    December 24, 2015 at 12:58 am

    I agree with this article! The people in Melbourne are the biggest yuppy turds, who will over-pay $1 Million+ for some old dump terrace cottage in Elsternwick or St Kilda, that for around even 30 years ago went for around $50k.
    Everything is now over-priced and very boring,
    Melbourne is a sterile nanny-state, where you can’t even smoke anywhere anymore and bicycle helmuts are compulsory.
    Many of Melbourne’s once-trendy streets (like Chapel St or Lygon St), are now full of empty shops and the greedy pig-headed Landlords don’t even care!
    I’ve GOT REAL BAD NEWS FOR MELBOURNE!
    Melbourne will be the next “CHICAGO”, a mean nasty, vicious, hustler’s city.
    Just wait until the “Nanny State” brings in tobacco prohibition. The next “Al Capone” is around the corner and he’ll make Carl Williams and Dennis Allen look like choir boys.
    “The worst is yet to come “- that is for Melbourne, the new “Chicago” of Down Under!
    Here’s a poem dedicated to the wonderful yuppy hustlers of Melbourne
    THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY
    They wonder why, in the land I live
    Everybody is so nice
    They say “hello” and what’s the price?
    They say “hello” as if they really care
    As the only honesty left in this place
    Is in their choice of underwear!

  53. Justin Reply

    January 4, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    Dead-set. You are a fucking moron.

    Would rather slam my cock in a car door than live in Sydney. Fuck off.

  54. Tas Reply

    January 8, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Melbourne: The crappiest city, with the crappiest people and the crappiest weather

    • Belle Reply

      January 10, 2016 at 11:34 am

      Have to agree

      • PPP Reply

        January 10, 2016 at 11:36 am

        Crap and BORING

  55. Tas Reply

    January 11, 2016 at 12:40 am

    What an excuse of a city! I am so happy that other people share my thoughts about this city as well! The public transport is a huge joke!! I mean seriously? Trams in the 21 st century with 1234567 stops till I get to my destination? Also, everything is of poor quality and at the same time overpriced, and nobody seems to do their work right, especially in the public sector. But the worst part is the people..bloody braggers

  56. Katie Reply

    January 11, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    Melbourne is soooooooo boringggggggg zzzzzzz it’s seriously the most overrated city on earth. I think that description paints a pretty accurate picture it is grey and miserable almost all year round

    • Dave Reply

      January 14, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      Agree with you melbournes a shit hole

  57. richard Reply

    January 13, 2016 at 10:36 pm

    Fuck up!

  58. BDon Tim Reply

    January 14, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    The thing I really hate about Melbourne is the public transport system trains are cancelled frequently it’s a joke it’s near impossible to get around. Moving up north in a few months and can’t wait to be honest.

    • And Reply

      January 14, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      Yeah I agree terrible you would never want to go back there. Full of crime, druggies, deuros.

      • And Reply

        January 14, 2016 at 5:23 pm

        People who think they are better than others hence they condescend and put others down. Awful place.

        • And Reply

          January 14, 2016 at 5:26 pm

          Not sufficient sunshine there.

          • And

            January 14, 2016 at 5:29 pm

            Dull like the weather.

          • BDon Tim

            January 14, 2016 at 5:35 pm

            The weather is probably the worst of it.. I can’t stand the grey. Yesterday I was on a bus and this horrible lady started yelling at this man for speaking in a different language!! I thought Melbourne was supposed to be sophisticated and the capital of culture. So disappointing. Obviously this can happen anywhere but still it wasn’t nice

  59. And Reply

    January 14, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    It is not cultured its pretentious. It is also a red neck capital these days.

  60. And Reply

    January 14, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    A few years ago Golden dawn from Greece dey up their party head quarters in oakleigh South in Melbourne. There are other neo Nazi groups operating out of Melbourne red necks some of them even worse as they are nutjobs on drugs. possibly some of the nanny state attributes are due these people too.

    • Dani Reply

      January 17, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Melbourne is an insular, boring, dull, depressing boxed in city. Soooooo glad I moved, now living in NY for work and couldn’t be happier. If I ever came back to Australia I would move to Perth Sydney or Adelaide nooo way in hell I would ever move back there, a year was enough most boring place of y life

  61. Ripped off Reply

    January 18, 2016 at 9:22 am

    Im over australia all together..make 75k a year n pay 18k in tax WTF!!!!

  62. Ripped off Reply

    January 18, 2016 at 9:25 am

    Very accurate description. .i have lived here my whole life.
    Early 90s was when this place was ok.b4 all the stupid lwas

    • Grapes Reply

      January 18, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      Sydney is better hands down

  63. The Cow Goes "MOO!" Reply

    February 12, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I like you

  64. danitism Reply

    March 3, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Melbourne thinks it’s better than Sydney. Sydney doesn’t even think about Melbourne.

    • agmaude Reply

      March 12, 2016 at 8:30 am

      Melbourne and Sydney are practically the same. Usually people are more caring in Melbourne it is no longer true. Melbourne is full of heartless, callous people these days. It has been invaded by new age hippies/yuppies. These days is full of the most selfish/arrogant people on Earth. It has totally gone to the dogs. Dog eat dog hippy style. There is no genuine Melbourne experience to be had not that the people there right now care about that. I have lived in nineties and the last decade I would say at present its at its worst. Left due to it, too hippyish. Derelict it is, conservative it is, hippy style.

  65. Fake city Reply

    March 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

    I’m European born and have travelled most of the world and have seen most cities in Australia except Perth and Darwin. I think having lived in and experienced Melbourne you either like or dislike this city. Personally having lived here for the last 15 months I must say I’m glad to have experienced it however for me it does not live up to the expectations. It is probably one of the most insecure cities I have lived in. I cannot make sense of the weather here and is as confused as the city itself. As the industrial manufacturing city of Australia it is really trying to be something else, however it is not working as it wants to be everything at the same time. This city is not even close to any European city and there is no fashion or culture or anything remotely European to it. The only European aspect to it is the miserable northern European weather if that is what you enjoy.The closest city that resembles it would probably by Chicago. It is a city of try hard bogans who moved into this city from country Victoria living a fake materialistic life paying for a poor quality dog box in the sky or house that is overpriced beyond imagination. True European cities don’t build or have many skyscrapers. Melbourne is marketed towards the Asian market where dog boxes in the sky and living in a dog box is the norm. The roads are over congested and there is no long term plan for this city. The number 1 ranking is only relevant if you live within walking distance to the city and great for attracting international expats to work for a corporate for a short term stint.The number 1 ranking is relevant to 5-10% of the population maximum. For 90% -95% of the people in Melbourne the number 1 ranking is meaningless. For this reason I say farewell to Melbourne.

    • Josh Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      Wise person

    • Spinoza Reply

      September 5, 2016 at 3:22 pm

      Nice to hear your honest perspective. I am from Sydney and completely agree.

      • Spinoza Reply

        September 5, 2016 at 3:24 pm

        To clarify agree that both Sydney and Melbourne are exactly like what you are saying.

  66. Harry Ford Reply

    April 10, 2016 at 1:42 am

    People living in australia’s capital cities think they’re top shit, particularly melbourne, sydney and brisbane. C’mon..complain some more ya pathetic bunch of soft cocks. UNAUSTRALIAN

    • Trevor from Thomastown Reply

      April 10, 2016 at 11:12 am

      If we’re Australian, talking about living in Australian about issues about Australia isn’t that AUSTRALIAN? Get a dog up you Harry, stop wingeing about wingers, you bloody winger.

      • Joebo Reply

        August 24, 2016 at 9:56 pm

        Don’t bother trev, ol harry has shown his colours. He loves melbourne and to suggest otherwise makes one a traitor. That’s the melbournian mentality. Vacuous fucks.

  67. Bill Reply

    April 14, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    A city is only shitty because of your own attitude. The good, in between and bad exist in every city in the world. There is no utopia. Your own personal preferences and experiences will dictate which city is most suited to you. There is plenty of choice to change and move if does not suit. The grass is not always greener somewhere else.

  68. Cameron Nash Reply

    April 18, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    Calling Melbourne a shithole after experiencing Sydney is like saying a hobo’s piss tastes better than White wine.
    Fuck Sydney.

    • Spinoza Reply

      September 5, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      Ha awesome!!!!!!!!!

  69. steph Reply

    April 22, 2016 at 12:12 am

    Are you actually serious ? You’ve never been to Melbourne were it hasn’t rained – firstly you either have the worst luck or you need to man up and deal with some drizzle you pussy.

    I’ve been to over 70 cities and Melbourne has to be one of the most charismatic. And hey – it’s been voted the easiest city to live in because it is ! 5 years in a row !

    Sydney you can have all the landmarks and tourists with selfie sticks , whilst in Melbounre we will keep our constant flow of art and cultural events, festivals, incredible food options, rooftop cinemas and bars, alley ways, boutique arcades and friendly folk.

    Being in the design industry, Melbourne couldn’t be a more inspiring place to live right now.
    All cities have their flaws, I think Melbournes flaw is allowing sad sacks like yourself in (not that I’m for any sort of discrimination and I’m all for freedom of speech and what have you) but they upright nerve you have to say Melbourne is the shittest city on Earth were you honestly dropped on the head ? Yes its full of pretentious hipsters with man buns drinking flat whites but Melbourne is incredible and if we’re trying to promote our own cities by shit talking the others, I would say Sydney has the atmosphere of a fucking piece of tofu with a pinch of salt on it to try to convince the person eating it that it has flavour but really its just fucking tofu with a bit of salt.

    Melbourne for the win ( and yes were Melbourne assholes who walk around saying Melbourne is the best city in the world – because we think it is )

  70. stantheram Reply

    April 30, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    welcome to melbourne the most unlivable city in the world

  71. Brad Reply

    May 1, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    How the fuck Melbourne keeps winning worlds most liveable city is fucking beyond me. All I can say is those cockheads must waste a lot of money trying to win shit like that. As long as you have money, yeah it could be liveable, but if your just working class – forget it. Overpriced, overcrowded and overrated.
    The first thing Melbourne people want to know is what suburb your from, and what schoool/uni you went to, they’ll judge you based on that. Seriously who gives a fuck what suburb you live in, its all a shithole if you ask me. Melbs is the worst city in the country, and i’ve been to them all and a lot overseas.
    The city is only getting worse too, racial tensions because migrants have been allowed to congregate into their own areas. Crime is on the rise and drug problems are getting worse. Infrastructure is a joke, roads are terrible, transport system keeps breaking down.

    Seriously people get the fuck out of the cities and see the real Australia, the beaches, rivers mountains and the outback. See some of our regional towns where people are more friendly and relaxed, where its not all about what suburb you live in and owning a shiny BWM or Mercedes.
    Melbournes claim to fame is street art and coffee, well fuck me people street art is vandalism and coffee, for Christ sake you can get a good coffee in country victoria you know.

    Why the fuck in a country like Australia with wide open spaces do we insist on cramming as many people into the smallest area possible ? The result is one big shit smelling ghetto.

    • Trevor from Thomastown Reply

      May 1, 2016 at 5:21 pm

      I’ve been to a shitload of country towns recently and almost everyone was on drugs or looked like they had just been tojail. Every town was full of single mothers on drugs, or single pregnant women on drugs. One told be she was concerned about her baby’s health so she just vaped instead. She counldn’t afford cigarettes because the fathers of her children were all in jail.
      There is still street art/vandalism in country towns, but most of it is just stuff like ‘fuck off we’re full’ or or something about ‘homos’ being gay, or something about Fords being shitty cars.
      I didn’t feel safe, going into country towns reminded me of scenes from the Walking Dead, full of brain-dead zombies, but on drugs.

    • Ant Reply

      May 9, 2016 at 12:32 am

      You couldn’t have described Melbourne any better!

    • FizzWizz Reply

      September 13, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      You’re right. A good coffee can be found in the country, especially in the little bakeries. Victoria is more than just Melbourne city.

  72. stan mitchell Reply

    May 1, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    Welcome to Melbourne the worlds most unlivable city.A blight on the aussie landscape a sick festering sore that cant cure itself from its boredom and ugliness and its copycat tasteless clonelike efforts to compete with Sydney which is a bright burning star compared to the dead unwashed shoddy tomblike Mel-bin,dirty on the outside but rotten on the inside.Boring expensive tasteless ugly wet grey and miserable,i am really struggleing to find anything nice to say about Melbourne.Just to give a one small of sample of many how much Sydney outshines Mel-bin,take a look at the new year fireworks from the Sydney harbour bridge rated amongst the best in the world, compared to Mel-bins dismal fizzer dudworks wat a laugh.Full of migrants who are tasteless dumb and dont know any better,cloudy and grey on a good day,on a bad day dont be here,rotten one day putrid the next.Depression and anxiety run rampant here as condusive to the weather,dull creepy cold weird,but nothing a giant sinkhole cant cure.Have a nice day MEL:BIN.

  73. stan mitchell Reply

    May 1, 2016 at 11:42 pm

    Hey bill, Melbourne is your utopia its full of druggies getting dopier and dopier

  74. stan mitchell Reply

    May 2, 2016 at 12:17 am

    Why do seagulls fly upsidedown when flying over Melbourne,””because it aint worth shitting on.!

  75. John Reply

    May 7, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    Cons: too industrial, bland, overpriced, overcrowded, overrated with weather that is bipolar with small minded mentality, mediocre beaches with not much surf waves. Only those living in Melbourne think otherwise.
    Pros: good vibe in southbank/city for variety of restaurants/nightlife, interesting alleyways, reasonable safe on most level, proximity to other VIC towns, compact state with plenty of variety, great for cycling as it is flat with not too many hills, lower cost of living vs Sydney, more of middle working class city better suited for families, plenty of stadiums for sport events.

    • mesosphere Reply

      September 23, 2016 at 6:44 pm

      your joking right lets see rego in new south wales is double ours you have to get a stinking road worthy every dam year no to mention average petrol price is a 1.50 plus and renting is a joke 450 a week will get you a festering shit hole in refern

  76. Bill Reply

    May 9, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    Hey Stan, this may be partly true, but so is every other city including regional towns. The good news is we all have a free choice to find a place we enjoy to live in. If Australia as a whole does not suit, you have the choice to leave the country and try your luck elsewhere.

  77. Marty Reply

    May 10, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    And this coming from a guy who comes from Sydney?
    Thanks to Premier Baird, Sydney is the “lock out” town of Australia and going towards to becoming dull & boring provincial yuppy shithole, like today’s New York.
    Why should grown up adults be treated like ‘naughty school children’ by the likes of Premier Baird or Lord Mayor Robert Doyle or even former NYC Mayor Rudolph Guiliani?
    Nanny State laws will not stop the likes of the Apex gangsters!
    Why do responsible adults have to be punished?
    And like Melbourne, Sydney is too over-rated and over-priced, propped up by Chinese investors who are buying up all of the over-priced real estate, as the US Federal Reserve Greenback, is now totally worthless and property ‘down under’ is a much safer investment option for Asian investors, than the Washington DC ‘dunny money’.
    The OZ & Kanak & Kiwi dollars are already 75% of the US greenback and not dropping anytime soon, so that’s why the Chinese are buying up all of Melbourne & Sydney’s real estate, compared to the US dollar, they can’t lose!
    And the up-start yuppy provincials in Melbourne & Sydney think the sun shines out of their assholes, because a few desperate Asian property investors are trying to get out of America, before it crashes!

  78. Dan Reply

    June 5, 2016 at 1:29 am

    Melbourne: The litttle town with a HUGE inferiority complex.

  79. Sam Reply

    June 9, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    I am with you.

  80. Alan Reply

    June 12, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    Hi I am an ex Sydney Sider who moved to Melbourne 8 years ago I was once excited enthusiastic and would even not agree with this writer who wrote this and would disagree with him.

    However after 8years I became disinterested in the city. The true Melbournians are snobby snobbish and vile particularly if you ate from or grew up in Syd which is my case. Being part of the LGBTIQ COMMUNITY in Sydney never had a hard time always felt included in Melbournites will never make you feel welcomed the city and the true people of Melbourne can’t accept the fact that Sydney and London will always be better in terms of prestige and recognised as an international city. True melbournites esp the LGBTIQ community are bitter fake twisted and pretentious. From the bottom of my heart Sydney I am sorry I left you 8years ago. The only thing good a bout Melbourne is my job is good and rent slightly cheaper

  81. Dakota Reply

    July 7, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    So true. melbourne is a fucking shithole. I just moved back to Sydney after 4 months there. 4 months too long. Ugly cesspit of hipster wankery. I never want to see it again!!

    • Jess Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:36 pm

      “Hipster wankery” best melbourne description ever!! If only they put that on the courts at the australian open

    • Hugo Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      Yeah i love how everyone in Toorak thinks Melbourne is so fucking cultured, fucking get ur head out of your family sized porsche melbournians

  82. Mwangs Reply

    July 14, 2016 at 2:10 am

    OH GOD I LOVE THIS!!! Totally describes every feeling I’ve ever had about Melbourne. Sydney simply is amazing. Melbourne just tries waaaaay too hard which results in every one and everything looking and being contrived as fuck

    • Emily Reply

      August 16, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      What a joke Sydney is the try hard, Melbourne just has a better quality of living in every way

      • Jess Reply

        August 22, 2016 at 9:33 pm

        This is what happens when the rest of Australia forget about Melbourne…they get insecure

        • Joshbrop Reply

          August 30, 2016 at 3:58 pm

          Your the one always on here… You must be insecure

        • stantheram terminator2 Reply

          March 4, 2017 at 1:02 pm

          Not at all jess they becum very happy a monkey of their backs

      • Dion Reply

        August 22, 2016 at 9:59 pm

        Melbournians always say sydneys a try hard.. But sydney doesn’t even try, its just naurally awesome. melbourne is a shiths of boredom and flat af water waiting to be shown on tv because they can’t handle the lack of attention from the world

    • Johns Reply

      August 18, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Melbourne voted most liveable once again Sydney did not even make the top 10 GTFO

  83. 2bob Reply

    August 22, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    The fact that a Melbournian needs a ranking to feel good shows how insecure and provincial this city is. It constantly wants to brag and compete with Sydney, however Sydney does not care. Melbourne worries too much about meaningless rankings that are based on metrics that don’t cover basics such has cost of living. It is one big joke and a ranking that must be taken with a grain of salt.

    • Jess Reply

      August 22, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      Too fucking true!!! This guys wise ^^ what’s syndey without fun, sun, real people, and self confidence? Shit hole melbourne

  84. Jess Reply

    August 22, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    Couldnt agree more! Fucking hate it, too snobby too indie too much AFL. I thought sydney was bad when i lived there, but at least it actually has the season of summer. Stuck in this shit hole for another couple of years…thanks fam!

  85. Your dad Reply

    August 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    Ugliest city on the planet with full of idiots and assholes

    • Mjks Reply

      September 6, 2016 at 3:44 am

      *That’s Sydney

  86. FizzWizz Reply

    September 3, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    Melbourne’s weather: predictably unpredictable.

  87. Ezman Reply

    September 4, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    I freaking hate living in melbourne so much! But why? What makes it so bad
    1. WAY too many people overcrowded
    I can’t live in a city where I feel like I’m trapped like a battery hen
    2. Everything is so spread out. If you don’t have a car and take public transport getting around is really hard it’s so spread out that it takes me over an hour just fo get to work each day
    3. Everything is so expensive
    4. Horrible weather
    5. The people. Let’s face it. Melbourne people are not very nice or that friendly
    And that’s my reasons I can’t stand it.

  88. Jennifer Reply

    September 5, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    I love Melbourne, I can see how some wouldn’t appreciate it, but I do its got everything I could need and more!

  89. Spinoza Reply

    September 5, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Sydney and Melbourne are very similar. The locals are constantly angry very pretentious and extremely judgemental. “The skyline has no grandeur….” What a typical Sydney toss bag comment to make. I live in Sydney grew up here and was schooled here high school and university. I am not going to die in this miserable wanna be probably never gonna be version of New York. It seems obvious to me that Melbournions are far more stylish than Sydney siders and the migrants are much friendlier there also. As for small business there are far more centres for small business’s in Melbourne rather than large commercial centres catered specifically to chain stores . Sydney sucks everyone in while Melbourne is spread out enough to do it to half the population. In my opinion Melbourne does deserve the spot it receives above Sydney in the most liveable cities studies reported in the media. But through my travels I have learned that Australian cities are full of wankers just like Manhattan but if the people from Australian cities ever met someone from Manhattan they would get no respect but they would kiss their arse anyway. Another article that reflects exactly what is wrong with urbanisation and that is the people within those urbanised areas delusional sense of grandeur.

  90. John Reply

    September 6, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    If you are a fake, a non genuine and a try hard person trying to be something that does not exist, then Melbourne is the place to be. The daily bipolar weather alone scares me with all the grey concrete buildings. It has no soul. The flip side if you are into sports, coffees and a few clothing stores you have a chance to like it.

    • Mjks Reply

      September 6, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Sorry but Sydney has no soul and that’s the absolute truth

  91. 2bob Reply

    September 7, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    My recent visit to Melbourne left me shocked with the violent culture,short fused aggressive gangs roaming the suburbs and city. The fact that a NYPD crime centre needed to be set up illustrates a city bursting at the seams with a focus on high growth. Liveability for the average Melbournian is dropping like a rock despite the global number 1 ranking that does not factor in basic metrics such as cost of living. It is all relative as other cities have challenges as well off course.

  92. khloek Reply

    September 9, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    OMG thankyou. I dont know what absolute brain dead dumasses keep voting it most liveable. Jobs are hard to get. The weather is terrible year round. $10 a beer in a pub is average. And entrylevel wage jobs are not posible to live off. Housinh is becoming insane and will be unaffordable in a decade es you already have a house.

    • mesosphere Reply

      September 23, 2016 at 6:46 pm

      go try getting a job in sydney or newcastle in nsw your living expenses double if not triple

  93. FizzWizz Reply

    September 12, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    All cities have their pros and cons. I think some people are just more suited to one type of city than another.

    • FizzWizz Reply

      September 12, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Although I must admit, Chinatown in Melbourne is really dodgy. What I saw there all those years ago, we’ll, you can’t tell me something very seedy wasn’t going on. Very unsettling vibe that day.

    • Brettk Reply

      September 14, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      Agreed that makes sense, I like Melbourne but every city has it pluses and minuses no place is perfect

  94. mark Reply

    September 14, 2016 at 8:56 am

    Ment to say people in Melbourne are so up them self’s.

  95. andrew Reply

    September 27, 2016 at 11:48 am

    Give me Sydney and its people any day over those jerks and their flat boring town. It really is the arse end of the world.
    Queenslander.

  96. thephilosophyofawhitewoman Reply

    October 5, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    It’s been a few years, but I just want to say:

    HARRRRRRR!!!!!!!

    Sydney has the shittiest night life on earth.

    Well done James Packer! You’ve brought the snobby Sydneysiders undone.

  97. FizzWizz Reply

    October 22, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Ok, so I’ve lived in melbourne for a long time (perhaps too long) and I can safely say that if you suffer from SAD then this place is not for you. The lack of sunlight is a very real issue and not a joke. Also, a lot of people just aren’t happy. Live here long enough and you’ll see a pattern of depressed folk who are slaves to their work and don’t enjoy life. Tragic.

  98. Troy Reply

    November 1, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    Melbourne if it’s not pissing with rain it’s blowing its guts out or it cold you maybe lucky and get one nice day

    • Fact Reply

      November 1, 2016 at 5:20 pm

      The weather is grey 99 % of the time

    • FizzWizz Reply

      November 1, 2016 at 7:57 pm

      Yep…

    • FizzWizz Reply

      November 1, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      You got that right!

  99. Fact Reply

    November 2, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    I live here, and its actually hard to deal with .. well for me anyway! I need sunlight, its a legitimate problem

  100. Thereareotherplacesintheworldtoliveandloveandthat'sok Reply

    November 3, 2016 at 11:03 am

    Love it! Lived in Melbourne for two years. Happily returned to beautiful, friendly Brissie. The people were just so incredibly arrogant about the city. They found it hard to believe that anyone could live anywhere else! So sheltered! And ironically no one will even make eye contact with each other in the street, even though they are bonded together by this incredible superiority over the rest of the country/planet! And don’t get me started on the weather!

  101. Nick Reply

    November 5, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    Sydney is full of Lebbos, definitely fucked the city

    • Nick Reply

      November 5, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      Spot on

      • Mick Reply

        November 5, 2016 at 3:48 pm

        Melbourne people are so much more classy , so many bogans in Sydney The city layout is fucked, and the suburbs need to bombed to rid the bum bag infestation

        • Emma Reply

          November 8, 2016 at 8:58 pm

          Sydney is bogan central seriously lived there for two years!!!

  102. Experienced it Reply

    November 7, 2016 at 9:00 pm

    The dirtiest and most polluted state I’ve been to. 92% of their electricity generation is still through brown coal fired powered stations, making it one of the most polluted places on the planet in terms of greenhouse gas emissions. A city that is overcrowded and fill with concrete buildings. A big hit and miss situation. Rating 5/10

  103. Need to escape Reply

    November 7, 2016 at 9:31 pm

    Too much vibe of an Irish, Greek, Italian catholic state. I could not put my finger on it, but I figured out this joint is too rude and fake with an air of superiority based on false evidence.

  104. Eatmyshit Reply

    November 18, 2016 at 8:48 am

    Melbourne is the lowest place to live under a guise of the most livable city. Yeah if you like being broke from the cost of living, enjoy shit weather and horrendous traffic/roads which never improve despite your ongoing taxes, tolls and vic roads hard earned dollars. Its an illusion. It sucks here. No wonder we have so many junkies and alcholics, who wouldnt want to escape the nightmare here known as reality. We see no improvements to infrastructure our pockets keep being bled dry people have lost hope mate.

    • John Citizen Reply

      November 30, 2016 at 8:37 am

      Couldn’t have said it better myself. Forgot to add the influx of rude people over the last 10-15 years. Don’t forget the home invasions and car jackings to add some excitement to your otherwise dull day.

  105. Don Corona Reply

    November 27, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    Actually I liked Melbourne when I went there. Oh wait, now I remember, it was fucked.

  106. Depressed Reply

    November 27, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    This would have to be the most mind bogglingly depressing article and thread I’ve encountered on the internet in a long time. If Melbourne is that distressing to you, don’t go, don’t think about it, don’t talk about it. Go find something or someplace that makes you happy.

  107. Phil Reply

    November 27, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    The people of Melbourne are generally small and unattractive people; like common Victorians. The place is full of plain and ugly faces. There’s a lot of sinful people. They celebrate sexuality and have paid the price for it.

    They wear sunglasses even during overcast weather, presumably to hide themselves from their former sexual partners.

  108. David Yolomoney Reply

    December 1, 2016 at 1:37 am

    I remember when Melbourne was actually good but maybe I’m just being optimistic hoping that it will be restored to its former glory aye. Back when me, Coal Jackson and Borneo would head down there to watch the AFL in the Windsor, Sydney would smash the Melburnians and we would throw our scooners across the room just have a mighty laugh and a good time.

    This was back in 88 but when I headed back down to the Windsor yesterday to watch the cricket opens against South Africa (Josh Toga was the main bowler for the game) and the god damn melburnians tell me supporting Australia is racist as we were responsible for the colonisation of South Africa and the assassination of Nelson Jackson Freeman. Then some filthy hipster lesbian chick which smelt like she hadn’t showered in 2 weeks just glassed me clean in the head took all my money!!!!!

    My point is when did Melbourne turn into some run down hipster shithole which won’t even support there own country when we’re playing against a bunch of brown people. I just think they’re trying way too hard and that’s why the Brigader motorcycle gang isn’t left standing and a bunch of arabs run the place.

  109. Marcella Najem Saikaly Reply

    December 9, 2016 at 7:14 am

    Omg! I moved to Melbourne last May with my husband, actually we were forced to move due to my husband’s work demands and I fucking hate it. Most liveable city my ass!! I can’t wait to go back home! 4 fucking degrees on a so called summer morning! This article really made it up for all the shit I hear from people and how they brag about living in Melbourne and how it’s the best! Pathetic!

    • Denise O'Meara Reply

      December 9, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      Hear, Hear Marcella. Great comment! As a lifelong disgruntled tenant in this arsehole town, couldn’t have said better. It got to a whole 30deg for 1 day only recently, and the piss weak radio announcers were screeching “It’s a Heatwave, It’s a Heatwave!”. God almighty, 1 day only. Shit!

  110. Lilith Reply

    December 17, 2016 at 12:14 am

    I was born in Melbourne and have been living in Sydney for the last 5 years, For the people who are bagging Melbourne people and making out that Sydney people are so much classier, where in Sydney are you hanging out? Every day in the Sydney CBD is like a muppet parade. Western Sydney is like the middle east and even suburbs like Bondi have crackheads housing commission buildings which give it a western suburbs feel. I loved when I lived in Bondi getting woken up by crackheads banging on my door. Gotta love that “Bondi lifestyle”. Sydney is no better than Melbourne. They are both crappy cities but Melbourne is the better of two shit holes. I often ask myself how I ended up living in Shitney….

  111. Albert Reply

    December 18, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    Exactly what I think about this shithole

  112. Marty Boy Reply

    December 20, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I agree about Sydney, a lot of ethnic segregation, Aussies live in Horsnby, wealthy Chinese,Yuppies,Euro-weenies & well off Jewish people all live in Bondi , Bronte or Double Bay. Aussies & Kiwis live in Cronulla. Lebanese & Middle Eastern live in Lakemba or Punchbowl and the Aboriginals all live in Redfern or Macquarie Fields and none of the different ethnic groups even mix! Totally like the American south in the 1950s or James Ellroy’s beloved 1950s LA Noir, segregated ethnic enclaves, so much for the hype of multi-culturalism. Sydney in 2016-an ethnically divided city, Melbourne be warned, you’re going the same way!

  113. Marty Boy Reply

    December 20, 2016 at 2:41 pm

    Also for those Melbourne haters(as there are many now, as Melbourne becomes more & more like 1950s Chicago, a mean provincial nasty mid-west city, that bakes in summer and freezes in winter, and stinks to high hell, all times-eg, “smell bourne” Melb’s nick name), you should see the way those phoney prententious yuppy wankers have taken over Swan Street Richmond(or Cremorne, as the Yuppy assholes call it), have driven all of the old shops out & replaced them with phoney, provincial, pretentious over-priced clicky dumps for clicky Toorak & Malvern & Camberwell rich kids to big note themselves(while the real Malvern, Toorak, South Yarra & Camberwell-become more crappy slums) , to pretend they have “cleaned” up Richmond, when in reality, they’ve dumped Malvern & Toorak(now back sliding) for a new “flavour of the month” trendy urban dump, while the rest of the old Malvern & Camberwell people are selling out & heading out towards to North Ringwood & the Yarra Ranges, which are the real nice “Eastern” suburbs of Melbourne now, certainly not the Inner East slums, like Richmond&Collingwood,now include-South Yarra,Toorak, Malvern,Kew, Glen Iris, Hawthorn & Camberwell-the new emerging ghetto dumps of the inner east. You want class in the east-try Doncaster,Donvale,Ringwood North, Knox, Glen Waverly,Wantirna. The Inner East has 2 types of residents a) yuppies b) druggies
    And I still can’t work out why the inner east is so expensive??

  114. Sammy J Reply

    January 4, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Auckland makes Melbourne look like New York? New York is an absolute dump that lives on its glory days from the early 1900’s. I would take both Melbourne & Auckland over New York.

    In fact, there’s a lot similarities between Melbourne & New York…

    Both residents are deluded about how great their city actually is & both make the regular claim of “It’s the best city in the world”.

    Both face the extremities of weather, no in-between.

    Both have materialistic, hipster cultures.

    Both have tiny, rundown apartments that are so expensive that you’re basically sacrificing any shred human dignity just so you can live in the city for nothing other than it’s false reputation.

    Both have extremely rude people. Which is no surprise given the congestion & how many move their with hopes & dreams, only to become worn down by disillusionment.

    Both cities are very insular & think they’re the centre of the world’s attention when they’re not.

    Can both cities be enjoyed as a holiday? Of course. But to actually live in these cities is a very different experience. I’m going to assume you haven’t lived in New York with your ridiculous claim.

  115. Dislike Reply

    January 6, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    Ha thank you. The ugliest ppl I’ve ever seen and most drug addicted zombies in this shithole Melbourne

    Dude they try so hard to be cool I feel so incredibly sorry for em but want them all out of my sight. You ugly losers go to chapel to be cool where shit is dumped on more shit and ice addicts. And 200 meters the ugly wives of “rich” man who annoy me almost to death. Fk Melbourne I’m out of here soon Yay

    I’m near chapel now and omg what is this?????

    • Dislike Reply

      January 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      PS
      Isn’t hipster 2010??????
      It’s still on its peak here to be a hipster. Omg

    • Glen from Glen Waverley Reply

      January 6, 2017 at 11:02 pm

      hipster isn’t cool cause its sooo 2010? Whats cool now? The ‘shit dumped on shit’ sounds pretty rad to me dude – edgy alley way grotty AF!

  116. Tavish Reply

    January 7, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    To really understand this article and commenters all you need to do redirect the invective at the person writing the comments. They are really describing themselves, Like Ricky Gervais say “Trolls don’t hate you. They hate themselves. They’re in pain & you getting upset is like their morphine. Don’t administer. Enjoy the screams” Good advice! What they really want is for you to feel what they feel inside. I’ve lived in major cities all over the world and you bring the best or worst of yourself where ever you are. The city is just your canvas and you project onto and the people in it, what is within you. I’ll take my Melbourne to yours any day!

    • Trumpet Reply

      January 11, 2017 at 9:49 am

      MELBOURNE IS AMAZING

      Take it over Sydney anyday, bleh talk about unlivable and dirty

      • Mick Reply

        January 11, 2017 at 11:19 pm

        We talking about Sydney or Lebanon

  117. my Reply

    January 13, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Hey people you must all be too high Melbourne is the best ,we have it all
    OK let’s look at all capitals
    Hobart insest city compare to bendigo
    Adelaide Hillbillies
    Perth assies but nice
    Sydney capital drugs
    Canberra wife’s adultry
    Gold coast Sex sex and more sex
    Darwin abbos are king
    So what are you wankers trying to say

    • John Reply

      January 14, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      Melbourne the capital of delusion… oh and gang related violence, sex crimes, homelessness, graffiti (not art), traffic congestion, terrible public transport and the most insane weather in the world!

  118. flyoz Reply

    January 14, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Complete fallacy. This year is bad due to a once in a 100year negartive shift in the Indian Dipole but Vicc actually often has better weather than NSW and sometimes Qld with all their floods humidity etc Plus where else can you scuba dive for wild scollops in the morning and be snow skiing on the slope by afternoon?? nowhere else on earth i think.
    Add to this the cosmopolitan nature of the place compared to bogan cousin cities, some of the best eateries in world, the general upmarket culture, the flyfishing, ocean and Bay fishing the crayfish, abaalone etc the bush and of course the fact that I live here and I think your comments are baseless 😀 have a nice day.

    • John Reply

      January 14, 2017 at 7:42 pm

      So if it is so amazing, how did you end up on this page? Lol

  119. yutes Reply

    January 15, 2017 at 11:56 am

    3rd world infrastructure. Terrible weather. Most of suburban Melbourne is ugly. Boring as hell.
    USA style ignorant people. Terrible expensive food . Crap starter homes at multimillionare prices. Corrupt governments.
    Unless you live within the tiny cbd serviced by the outdated tram system which shuts down super early. Public transport in this city is 3rd world.
    The roads are pathetically inadequate. It has a road system capacitated for a population of 3 million people not 4.5.
    The airport is as big as a 7/11 with no rail link to the city due to the carparks huge cash cow monopoly.
    Youre more likely to win the lottery than to eat good food in a restaurant.
    Everything shuts down early.
    Its monotonous and boring as hell.
    Ive never seen a bunch of politicians that adhere as much to big corporations desires as the ones we have here. They are corrupt as buggery and do nothing for the citizen that votes them.
    And to those that believe its the most liveable city in the world due to one corrupt survey. Lofl.
    Take a look at what Monocle, Mercer, the times uk. Etc…. say.
    There are heaps of surveys all stating different cities. In other words they are full of crap.
    Its hillarious how you guys take shitty EIU as gospel.
    It is also full of drugs and violence.
    With craaaap nightlife to boot.
    This used to be a great city 25 years ago.
    Safe. Friendly. Affordable.non materialistic mentality.
    Its now a commogleration of materialistic, angry, jelous arseholes that are in debt to the hilt without any notion of when theyll ever pay their debts off.
    This will indeed become another Argentina very quickly.
    Our corrupt politicians have sold us off and left us with no manufacturing what so ever. Theres no tourism. And Western Australia and Darwins mining boom is truly over.
    In short. Melbourne and Australia in general is in serious trouble.

  120. yutes Reply

    January 15, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    And I find it hilarious that people that come from poor developing nations think this place is
    great.I guess compared to their poverty stricken countries it is.
    But worry not. As we are quickly going down the gurglar and will soon become another developing nation ourselves.

  121. Australia is garbage and Melbourne is the juice at the bottom of the wheelie bin. Australia doesn’t exist anymore. It’s just a collection of overpriced, overcrowded, ugly cities with no decent architecture, where the third world is foolishly imported by the million and not assimilated, and you can slave away wasting your life paying mortgage payments on a house that was sold for 80 grand 25 years ago, but is now ‘worth’ 900 grand thanks to Australia’s retarded obsession with renovating piece of shit houses and pumping up the giant goiter growing on the neck of Australia, it’s colossal property bubble which I hope to GOD bursts soon and sends every last one of these mother_____s broke. Not to mention the totalitarian government and the worthless, spineless, freedom-hating, politically correct, multi-culti leftist sheeple that inhabit the place. My hatred for Melbourne will die only when either it dies or I die, whatever comes first. When it comes to living in Australia you need to take your pick, do you want to live in the suburbs with the fat vapid football fans in the ugliest cookie cutter homes in the entire western world, living next door and having your kids go to school with the invading third worlders, or do you want to live in the inner-city with insufferable homosexual pervert hipsters wearing ‘ironic’ t-shirts. Choose your poison. If you think either of these miserable choices is acceptable you need your head read. Australia’s best days are far, far, far behind it. And Melbourne’s? Well and truly behind it. But by all means, morons, be my guest, pay $10 for a glass of beer in a place you can’t smoke in, get a speeding fine for going 5km/h ‘over’ on the way home, get stopped and breathalized and drug tested by nazi road pirates on every major arterial road at night, go home to your ‘dog box’ high rise or your overpriced, triply overpriced piece of garbage suburban home, sit in a traffic jam, be yelled at and guilted by homeless-by-choice druggies, go to the football and pay $20 for a pie and coke and be told you can only have one beer at the cricket, be filmed by CCTV every place you go including in the lift in your apartment building, sit at the traffic lights and be leered at and stared daggers at by some ethnic thug in a ‘hotted up’ 1990s Japanese coupe with offensively loud exhaust pipe, navigate past the Lycra-clad middle aged men cycling three abreast holding up the traffic, with their ‘tackle’ bulging out of their bike seat and Lycra for all to be disgusted by, maybe take your kids to the Zoo where they can line up and be the only Australian kids there, maybe after that you can come home, chill out in front of the TV and watch obnoxious ‘hit TV shows’ about you guessed it! RENOVATING OVERPRICED HOUSES!

    I hope it all burns. I hope you burn with it. You’re probably a piece of Melbourne garbage too, I can smell it on you.

    • Melbin Reply

      January 18, 2017 at 10:45 pm

      Lol 😂!! OMG this is truly a masterpiece and what a brilliant write up. We laughed so hard reading this, thank you

      • Emily Reply

        January 25, 2017 at 10:16 pm

        I laughed at the Sydney one it was more accurate..

  122. Troy Reply

    January 22, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    True about Melbourne Sydney is not much better it’s full of poofs and it’s over priced shit hole like Melbourne

    • Gelll Reply

      January 25, 2017 at 10:32 pm

      Oh come off it Melbourne is Milesssss ahead of Sydney. That city is in desperate need of a revamp. It’s disgusting.

      • g Reply

        February 2, 2017 at 9:30 pm

        Melbourne is a terrible place full of petty people who are so fake and conditional. And erratic there is only one way to live in Melbourne on a chain. The people are cold and control freaks. Melbourne is like an abusive partner. Uptight too. Crowning glory of the despotic people supposedly being better than Sydney and having the most intelligent people ever born as according to themselves and its boring and depressing. Nonsensical people who talk lies and defend the wretch of a city they are in and all else that is awful not all swine but I can not wait to be home America is horrid zombie people. Conformist clones so much denial here.

        • g Reply

          February 2, 2017 at 9:35 pm

          I would rather die amongst corpse’s than come back to this dreaded nightmare of a place much better at home I am free completely have options

          • g

            February 2, 2017 at 9:57 pm

            Rude people overrated you feel you are being judged here and watched what you have here you have elsewhere without pomp and nonsense Melbourne is not British like hence it lacks excitement and diversity many people here are mad too in Melbourne which is also unpleasant and irrational also could not pay me to live here the people are arrogant too

  123. g Reply

    February 2, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    .land of the contrived rich biggots noones safe just run whilst you still can with what breathe you may have against the cowards here Melbourne is bizarre

  124. g Reply

    February 2, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    Remember elsewhere you have rights melbourne you have none nothing is normal in Melbourne too

  125. g Reply

    February 2, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    Remember Melbourne’s holy Grail it could be worse at least we do not live in Sydney it would take courage to leave and no longer self deceive. But it also takes courage to stay somewhere so twisted and macabre I guess written by the church of Melbourne worshipping clergy who are as oblivious as can be. Melbourne is a hole it is the place you go if you have been successful or have successful parents to push and manipulate others.

  126. g Reply

    February 2, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Especially if you are a biggot

  127. g Reply

    February 2, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    People live in Melbourne as there are less homosexuals this place is pathetic

  128. Michael Reply

    February 9, 2017 at 2:18 am

    Why the fuck is it 40C everyday in Summer!? Fuck this place it’s a pile of shit to live here.

  129. Katrina Reply

    February 11, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    Oh my god I love this author. I’ve lived in Melbourne for one year, reluctantly for my partners business venture, and it has been hell! its an awful place. I came down from Sydney where there’s natural beauty, glorious weather and people enjoying an outdoorsy lifestyle. Melbourne’s gross bays are zero comparison to Sydneys eastern suburbs beaches.
    I also cant stand how deluded Melbournians are, promoting Melbourne as something special when its embarassingly try hard. If you are a pasty blowout who wants to spend all their free time indoors eating and drinking then you can go tuck yourself into gloomy melbourne. Otherwise if you actually enjoy life and have hirer leisure aspirations that go above stuffing your face and taking photos of ugly laneways, you’ll definately want to avoid Melbourne.

  130. Daniel y Reply

    February 21, 2017 at 12:16 am

    You forgot to mention the theiving niggas

    • Ella Reply

      February 21, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      You must be from Sydney.. no one with half a brain speaks like that

  131. Eve Shaw Reply

    February 23, 2017 at 10:48 am

    I am totally with that.

    • Nik Reply

      February 23, 2017 at 3:17 pm

      With what?

  132. George Reply

    February 27, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    You sound like a typical dirty filthy Sydney Sider. It’s a well known fact that Sydney people are basically THE garbage of Australia. You are the rot and rubbish of this country. The dirty 2 legged cockroaches of Australia. You have absolutely nothing to be proud of being a Sydney Sider. The best word that describes Sydney is arrogant. Sydney people are arrogant beyond belief. Wake up to yourself and stop being stupid although your stupidity could be an indication of psychosis of course. I have lived in both cities however I am from the most friendly and beautiful city in the country being Hobart Tasmania. Hobart and Melbourne are far better cities than Sydney. You’re a typical arrogant Sydney moron. Fuck off!

    • Lulu Reply

      February 27, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      Agree with this guy

  133. Jerry Jobson Reply

    March 2, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    LOL. The Apex gang do one thing really well. That’s run at the speed of a thousand raped apes when you stand up to them. If you want heaps of fun get down here and trash the Sudes.

  134. truth hurts Reply

    March 4, 2017 at 11:46 am

    Melbourne is a shithole. I’d rather eat fried vomit than live there but for some reason everyone who lives there seems to think its the best place in the world.

    • Emma Reply

      March 9, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Because it’s a quiet BEAUTIFUL fun city with plenty to do and amazing suburbs..

  135. Most Livable Nightmare Reply

    March 17, 2017 at 8:20 am

    It sucks living in Melbourne due to the roads and traffic.
    Our govt doesn’t care or listen.
    It’s a shame and a national embarrassment, our government should be ashamed.

    • Denise O'Meara Reply

      March 17, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      Hey M L N, I wasn’t aware that this shit City even has a so called Government. There are plenty of Turds using the office space, of what once was a reasonable sort of govt. and lets not even mention the despicable, out of control increasing crime rate being allowed to fester here.

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